I am not lonely [Mystrade]

CHAPTER 75 : Many things to tell

Mycroft silently closed his bedroom door, careful not to wake up the  fast asleep detective still laying in bed. He slipped his feet into a  pair of black slippers matching his nightgown and made his way  downstairs to his office. It was two and a half in the morning but  despite all his attempt, the auburn couldn't sleep. It wasn't an  insomnia due to fear or stress, it wasn't feeling bad, he was just not  feeling tired.
He ran a hand through his hair and poured himself a  glass of fine Cognac before sitting behind his desk. He looked out by the window, his legs stretched in front of him, taking small sips of his drink, for a few minutes before grabbing a notepad and his  fountain pen, a gift from Sherlock for his twentieth birthday. It was  quite rare for the official to actually use a pen, most of the time he  just used his laptop or read out his replies to Anthea, but every time  he was feeling creative he would turn to the good old paper and to his  traditional fountain pen.
He wrote the date in the left corner of the  first page of the notepad, smiling slightly at the feeling of the pen  sliding smoothly on the paper, leaving a delicate navy blue line on the  white paper. He had no idea what he was to write but he just felt like  something was coming. He let his mind wander, asking himself all those  existential questions he usually tried not to think about, not to allow  himself to be slow down and quickly found himself thinking about Alden.  He was thinking about all he wanted to wish him, all he wanted to be  able to say to him despite his social awkwardness, all the thing he  would have wished his own father would have told him once, all the  mistakes of his parents he didn't want to reproduce and about the luck  he had of having Greg has a dad.
Without even him thinking about, the  words had started to gather on the paper in front of him, forming the  first draft of a letter to his son. Of course the boy was too  young to read it and Mycroft didn't really want either him or Greg to  read it for him, but maybe when he will grow up, he will be able to read  it and that could comfort him in some ways. And even if it wasn't the  case, putting his thoughts on paper had always helped the auburn to feel and to realize things better.
He didn't really had  to thought about the words, he just let his mind form the sentences,  keeping it natural and truthful, unlike when he was writing for his  work, where he had to take care not to offend anyone or let slip out  some sensible informations, and it was feeling great for once, to be  able to just let his heart speak without having to put on filters. He  drank another sip of Cognac, wondering what kind of adult would Alden  become, what he would like, what he would do, many questions without  answers but for once, Mycroft wasn't in a hurry for answers, on the  contrary, he somehow wished that the little boy would never grow up and  that he would never find out the answers. All he knew was that he would  never forced his son to do something he didn't like and that he would  try is best not to judge his choices, trying not to give a damn about  the social convenience unlike his own parents even if he knew that he  would probably sometime find it difficult. Overall he was just  determined to do his best to allow his son to be happy.
He looked at his already empty glass and finding it unwise to have another one he preferred to make his way to the kitchen and switched the kettle on, resting himself against the fridge while the water was starting to boil. He chose a teabag and poured two spoons  of sugar in a cup before serving the water and went back to his office,  the cup warm between his hands, feeling more relaxed and at eased than  he had for quite a long time. He sat in his leather chair and took a  look at what he had yet written.
"Little man,
I wish I could say I  have been a perfect father to you and that I will always be but that  would be starting this letter with a lie. I am not the best dad in the  world, I'll never pretend to be but I always try to improve. There will  still be days when I wouldn't be able to make it home on time or to come  and watch you in your school plays. There will still be days when I'll  scream and punish you, be impatient, not understand your will and needs,  but please be sure that I'm not doing this on purpose, that I just  don't know how to do. Being a father didn't come to me with a user  manual and I have no past experiences on which to rely but as flawed as I am, I'll always try my best to make you proud of your father.
You  probably won't be a perfect son either, but that's what it means being  human. It means making mistake and screwing things up then apologizing  and trying again. No one can be perfect and there is no beauty and life  in perfection but the path we take is what is important. Doing a mistake  is not an issue, doing it over and over without learning anything out  of it is one. You'll scream at me, you'll be mad, you'll slam doors  because that's every boy do, you'll listen to music loud, you'll refuse  to go to bed or to eat your vegetables because that's what boys do but I  don't care because being human is also sometime going stupid and  because being a son is sometime arguing just to show that you are your  own and that you are the only one able to decide for yourself.
Be  bold my son, take risks, try things and don't be afraid of failing. It's  in our failures that we learn the most and it's of our incredible  success that we are the most proud. Go outside, see your friends, take  out stupid challenge, don't be afraid of being a fool. Cautious is nice  but too cautious means learning nothing and having way more regrets than  you can possibly  imagine. Do things, achieve your dream or at least try your best to and  don't care about what people are saying, you are the only one able to  decide for yourself.
Society will put you under pressure to become a  man, to comply to their standards, to their idea of happiness but don't  listen to them. Maybe you will love a City job, nice car and healthy  diet and I want you to know that if this is what you want and what you  like, it is perfectly acceptable and I will do all I can to help you  achieve your goal but it's not compulsory. If you prefer to travel, or  to retire to any countryside place, do it. You have only one life,  don't waste it on something you don't like.
I may sometime be  prejudice about some of your choices and I beg you to forgive me if it's  the case. I sometime find it hard to pull my education away but I swear  that I just want you to be happy and that whatever I may say you, I'll  still always support you even if it might take me sometime to show it to  you.
I want you to know that it's okay to be however you want, to  dress however you want, whether it is a tailored suit, a pair of jeans  or in a skirt and make-up. I don't care if you like football, tennis,  fencing or dance or don't like sport at all and find comic books, arts,  drama clubs or science fiction more appealing and if I sometime insist  to make you go out of the house that doesn't mean that I'm not agreeing  with your passion, but only that I want you to discover other things so  you won't regret it later. Whatever you decide your passion to be I  want you to know I'll always be your first supporter -alongside Papa, of  course.- and even if I probably won't be there for every of your  performances, I'll still follow every steps you take.
Show  your love, communicate, don't hold it back. You have one life, don't  miss the occasion of making friends or lovers. Respect them, treat them  as you wish them to treat you, whether they are men or women. Both  should be treated as equal, no better, no worse, just the same. Try to  understand them and be there for them when they need you to make sure  they will be there for you. Love is our greatest power and never let  anyone tell you that it's a weakness. Being kind will never be a bad  thing and a little more love is all you need to have a better life,  trust me, I've experienced it.
I don't care who your friends are, I  don't care if they are rich or poor, locals or foreigners, male or  female, or anything else. If they are your friends it's probably because  you have been able to see in them something I haven't been able to see  yet but that brings you happiness and love. Never let anyone chose your  friends for you, not even me. Never be ashamed of them, even when growing up. Never be  jealous of them, never try to make them jealous. Be yourself, love who  you want. I'll accept however you choose to bring back home, I'll accept  it if you choose not to bring anyone. I don't care who they are, what  they are, who are their parents or what they have done in life if only  they make you happy.
I've got great hope you will grow up in a more  accepting world than mine and even if this world is rotten, remember  that it's people like you, me, your friends, that can change it. There  is still many things to change so never give up, things evolve, slowly but surely and one day it will be a great place to live in.
There  is much more things I'd like to say you. I'd like to say you to accept  the unexpected, to be curious and ask question, to try, try and  try again. I'd want to talk to you about my childhood and to say you to  cherish your youth and to enjoy it while you still have it, to believe  in the power and beauty of surprise, to sometime be scared but to never  give up. To listen to advices but to always be sure it's your decisions  you are following. I'd want to tell you that it's okay to sometime cry,  to be discourage, to throw everything away and to punch the wall but  that you shouldn't just stop yourself on those little misery. There is  so many things I wish to tell you but maybe this is the most important  of all, have fun and be yourself son.
Don't always try to have the society to accept you and never be ashamed of who you are and where you come from. Just remember that you are love and that I'll be there for you until my last breath.

All my love.
Daddy."

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Hey boys, girls and others ! I NEED YOUR HELP §

So as you've probably noticed, this is already chapter 75 - god time fly ! Already four months since I've started this story \O/ and chapter 100 is coming quite fast ( actually it is for me because as I am posting this chapter I've just finished writing chapter 86 ... ) and I want it to be smething quite special so here we go :

If there is anything you fancy seeing in chapter 100, or if you want it to be a chapter entirely based on songs lyrics ( please not that ... --") just leave a comment and I'll try to content everyone !

Thank you for your help and I hope you will enjoy the upcomming chapters :)

Loads of love xxx

Dan

PS : For those wondering why I am not posting more if I'm already eleven chapters ahead : actually I could do so but if I post every chapters now, that might most probably mean that you won't have any new chapters in June, July and August so I prefer to slow down the publication rythm but still keep it on a regular basis than to post everyday or every couple of day and then stop suddenly. :)