Finding Them // sequel to Endgame AU

.Chapter 8.

I WROTE A WHOLE THREE CHAPTERS  AND WAS GOING TO POST TWO OF THEM BUT THE OTHER TWO ARE GONE. WHAT HAPPENED! 

Maya

I sit on the edge of my grey bedsheet pulling at the thread of my ripped boyfriend jeans.

I left Zay's house not too long ago as the uncomfortable silence was too much to bear. I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to start avoiding me; I know I would. I had made him slightly uncomfortable and I would do anything to go back and not have even told him the dream.

I wish I hadn't even had it in the first place because it's caused nothing but problems for me. I can't get it out of my head; I'm consuming all my time thinking, crying and worrying about something that's not real and might never be real and I'm plain selfish in hoping it would. I'm selfish in hoping that Riley and Smackle will fall for me. Selfish in hoping that Riley will become disinterested in Lucas; Selfish in wanting to change their lives just so that I can be happy.

How pathetic.

I run my hands over my face and flop down onto my back, letting out quiet sobs.

I'd do anything to be back in that world.

Everything was so perfect. Smackle took Riley and I being together so well and I couldn't have wished for better.

Riley.

Riley Riley Riley Riley.

I think back to class when she skipped into the classroom, gleeful in saying she had just met a pretty girl. Who's to say she was even talking about me. Who's to say-

I groan out loud and throw a pillow across the room. Why won't my mind just shut up already. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of having my mind on making my life as it was in the dream; tired of wasting my time trying to find them. Tired of hoping that Riley and I might actually become a thing. I've been awake for how long now... I can't even remember but all I know is that I'm slowly wasting my time.

There's a knock on my door but I muffle my sniffles with a pillow and remain quiet. The person continues knocking.

"Maya? Are you in here?" I recognize the voice to be Renee's but still remain quiet. She sighs and then there's silence again.

Man do I have a love-hate relationship with silence. Silence allows you to think; to rationalize things and to come to conclusions yet silence also can drive you to the edge. Silence can make you do things... good things... bad things... irrational things. Silence allows for your brain to suffocate you with thoughts many of which you don't want to think about; a few of which you don't mind.

Another knock comes and I throw the door open and Renee falls backwards onto the floor groaning as her head hits the ground. If it weren't for how fluffy my carpet was, she might have gotten very hurt. I rush down, guilt washing over me as I repeat 'Are you okay?' and 'I'm so sorry' over and over. She laughs and I help her to stand up and we walk over to my bed. She flops down and there it is- silence.

"So are you not going to close the door?" She chimed in. I roll my eyes but get up to do so.  "I heard you crying and so when I figured you were done I um came and knocked but you didn't answer so I uh waited." She explained pretty quickly. I look over at her but she's looking up at the ceiling. My lips curl into a smile. "Thanks." I murmur. She looks over at me and I swear there was something about the way she was looking at me that nearly made me fall off the bed.

After a few moments she asks, "Are you okay?"

I shrug.

"Honestly. I don't even know."