beyond the monotonous city

fourty two

Clara nodded and put an arm around her. "Sinu called me earlier to tell you." Clara shook her head.

Lauren shut her eyes. It just confirmed the obvious to her. Clara told her it was because of cardiac arrest. After fighting for so long, her own heart gave up on her. To Lauren it was unfair, but there were many unfair things that happened to her and she was forced to accept that it just happened.

Lauren's head told her she was fine, that she was doing okay. She went straight to sleep that night, before thinking of the events that just happened. It was easier that way.

She didn't show up to school the next day or the next and just spent her times in her room or in the living room, watching National Geographic with the windows drawn. Clara didn't push her to do anything and just let her be. She avoided the guest room where she kept the paintings. She couldn't bear to see them knowing Camila never got to lay her eyes on them and see what she inspired. The thought of it brought her to her knees crying so she pushed it back, so far in her mind that she forgot it existed.

The truth was she hadn't cried in three days and felt her body reap the side effects of feeling so empty. She felt mechanical. She only ate when she was hungry and only slept when she felt tired but anything else was a blur to her.

It was during dinner, Lauren not knowing when, when Clara held her hand. Clara looked just as tired, but probably looked better than her. "Lauren, Ms. Campbell is calling, you haven't been to school in three days, she's worried. Well, we all are." Her voice was full of concern, she was surprised her mom didn't tell her sooner.

Lauren put her attention back to her food, playing with the fork in her hand, not really picking up the macaroni on her plate.

"Lauren." Clara said with more force. It made Lauren look at her, at her eyes. "I know you're mourning but being like this isn't helping. Go to school, your friends, your teachers are worried. I'm worried, your grandparents, Chris and Taylor."

"They have nothing to worry about." Lauren murmured.

"Lauren-mija-" Lauren stood up and made her way to her bedroom, shutting the door. She sat down, looking at her trembling hands. She didn't want to feel. It was too painful and tiring.

Clara followed inside and sat beside her daughter. "Lauren, you know what happened. You can't stop pretending it didn't happen. I know you're doing this because you don't want to feel the pain, but pain is like a band aid. It's better to rip it off now and feel the pain, than to just prolong it and let it hurt you more."

Lauren felt her breathing hitch up. The sobs came naturally as if on queue, waiting for the right moment to be summoned, released like they've been caged up for so long. She didn't even know if they came from her because she never heard herself sob like that. Her sobs were heavy, she felt like she was crying out the three days' worth of her tears. She felt her mom's arms around her pulling her closer and she was sobbing as well. "She's really gone."

"Yes dear, but she passed on peacefully." Clara assured calmly. "It wasn't in vain."

Lauren still cried. She was that close to Camila during the final breaths she took. And when she died, she was right next to her, not knowing. It was so sick to her, she felt like a sick joke was being played on her. She remembered crying her eyes dry until she was lying down on her bed, her mom still sitting next to her.

"How are they?" Lauren asked, voice hoarse. Her eyes were puffy from all the tears shed.

Clara sighed. "Sinu and Ale are still mourning. They visited here yesterday, asking about you but you were locked up in here. Sinu looked like she hasn't stopped crying since." The pause let the words sink in to Lauren. "They really loved her."