Consumed

Chapter Six

Summer had started so I sat alone outside on a plastic chair reading but not bothering to understand the book I held. Michael came collapsing in a chair beside me.

'I'm so stressed!' He complained. I could feel him waiting for a response but he didn't receive one. 'All these exams at once.' Another pause. 'I don't think I'll be able to rest until I can get Maths over and done with.' This was strange as I wasn't deliberately ignoring him; I just had nothing to say. He snatched the book out of my hand. 'Let’s see what rubbish you're reading.' He must have expected to spark a reaction in me but instead I patiently waited for him to hand the book back. He threw the book on the floor, got up, slammed his chair opposite me and sat back down. 'What on earth's gotten into you?' I crossed one leg over the other whilst I remained silent. 'Mary I'm talking to you!' I looked into his eyes and for the first time I saw him seriously angry with me. I opened my moth to speak but fell silent again feeling at unease by his anger. 'You turn 16 and suddenly you think you're too good to talk to anyone. It’s me Mary! You've never stopped talking to me! I'm the one you talk to when you're angry at the world.' He put his head in his hands, 'It’s been weeks since we had fun. I never thought we'd be so serious with each other. I mean, look at the way I'm talking to you. I've never spoken to you like this before.' My mind was working hard at forming a response. 'Fine!' He stood up. 'Give me the silent treatment!' He threw his chair across the yard and stormed off. With shaky hands, I picked up the book. I needed Lilly. I went home and phoned her asking for her to come over. Sensing the tone of my voice she immediately replied,

'Open the door, I'm coming.'

I started to cry as I told her what happened.

'I know it’s my fault and I know I'm being stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. That's me.'

'Are you sure he doesn't like you?'

'Have you ever seen him give me any interest in that way?'

'He looks at you a lot more than he looks at anyone else.'

'He's been doing that since I can remember. And it’s usually because I'm either talking or doing something unusual and when I'm not doing anything unusual, that's also unusual.' I smiled at a memory of when James was giving a speech and I became bored so I pretended my head hair was a moustache and placed a few strands on my upper lip. I started twisting its' end and looked up to see Michael looking at me suppressing laughter. 'Why would he find me attractive anyway? He's not blind.'

'Just stop it will you! You're always moaning about not being pretty, it drives me mad!' And I knew it did but I just couldn't help it.

'Easy for you to say!' Name one boy who's liked me. ONE!'

'Oh not this AGAIN! You're 16!'

'Exactly! Every single girl I know has been liked by someone. Even Tia!' Tia was a sweet girl but not that pretty. I was fond of her but she was even quieter than me.

'I really don't know what new thing to say that will reassure you that you are a beautiful girl.'

'If you were a boy, would you go out with me?' I asked already knowing the answer.

'In a heartbeat.' Ooh, that answer was better than what I was expecting.

'I wish you were a boy.'

'For your sake I wish so too.' I could always count on Lilly to make me smile. 'Now please cheer up. I haven't seen you laugh in ages.'

At night, I carried on reading my book. I read an extract which stood out to me:

'It’s like a headache.' She watched him as he frantically tried to explain himself. 'We were best friends since forever but mine and Ruth’s relationship was like a small headache.' Alexis thought she was beginning to understand him. 'But our relationship,' He gestured at himself and her, 'is like a massive headache!'

What?' She asked bemused.

'Hear me out. The so called love that Ruth and I had was never that passionate. I mean, it was nice and sweet but it never took over. Like a little headache but you can get through the day fine.' Maybe a headache wasn't the best example, Oliver thought to himself. 'But you... Us... It’s like that big headache when you can't think of anything else and it just... consumes you. That's the word! Consume! My love for you… It consumes me. It has so much passion, so many emotions.' He was still thinking of words but Alexis understood. She put her arms around his shoulder and held him close. She could finally get past his ex-long term girlfriend. She consumed him!

'I love you.' She grinned.

'I love you more.'

I shut my book to reflect upon this. Maybe what I felt for Michael wasn't love after all. It was all just a mild headache and I was confusing my crush with how I cared about him as a friend. My Philosophy of love was that it had to work two ways because the idea of unrequited love sounded too painful. I made a resolution that I will just have to be patient until my headache faded. In that much time I had to go back to how I used to be. I was soon to find out it wasn't to be that easy.

The day I completed my Maths exam I went to Michael's house with a bunch of past papers. I found him in his front room preparing for his next exam. I handed him half of the Maths past paper exams and began ripping them.

'Let’s just enjoy the freedom for a while.' I said genuinely smiling. He ignored me. 'I know! Let’s bake cookies to celebrate!' He carried on ignoring me. I sat there a long time waiting for him to respond but he didn't. I began crying. This cry wasn't the same as when I cried in front of Lilly. This cry was weeks of pain pouring out. He carried on ignoring for the next five minutes until he turned to face me. He looked taken aback.

'You're really crying?' He asked. I tried to reply but I could only give out an inaudible mumble. 'What's wrong?' He asked. He then pulled my towards him putting his arms firmly around me. 'I was only trying to give you a taste of your own medicine. I forgot how sensitive you are at times. Stop crying and we'll go and bake cookies.' But I couldn't stop crying. 'What's happened Mary? Tell me please!' By now, I'd forgotten why I was crying but I didn't want to stop. Michael silently held me and I must have sobbed for half an hour before I finally calmed down. I wiped my tears and Michael pulled back, lifting my chin to look at him. My heart sank when I saw his eyes brimmed with tears. 'Something's happened and you're not telling anyone. Please Mary,' He begged, 'Please tell us. Tell me. If not me, tell Lilly. Just don't keep it all to yourself. We care about you.' He pulled me to him again and we sat in silence for a long time. There was not a place in the world I would have rather been. So close to him, I couldn't think of anything else. I couldn't really think of anything other than him on a normal day but today the emotions were enhanced. The unexplainable pain had stopped for now.