Of Pain | COMPLETED

Chapter 30

I was sitting outside by the benches staring listlessly into space when drama enfolded right in front of me. It was after school already and we were supposed to be preparing for our own club activities for those who had it. Softball has their practices today and all of them were currently doing their sprints in the middle of the carpark.

It was easier to run there and I don’t think I want to share the field with the rugby boys no matter how much I want to see Blake at the moment but after the last time I had talked to him, I made an indication that I didn’t want to talk to him. That I wanted him to stay away from me.

I know I was being cruel to him, breaking his heart but I see no point of him loving me when I’m not so sure about my own feelings for him. Sure I am attracted to him, it’s just because he was handsome and dripping with sex appeal. Other than that, I basically know next to nothing about him.

He’s just a stranger to me.

Which I didn’t like.

But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. I don’t know if I should just ignore him and go away for tour, letting him realise that he’s better off without me. I mean, I have no future in college. Not with my arm this injured. I can barely take swing anymore. Despite all of my worries, I am much more worried about Mum than about myself.

It’s like my problems are petty as compared to her. She means the world to me. I fingered the necklace that I had on, the one where she had given to me when I was about eight and had the photo of us both posing in front of the camera. She and I were both grinning, both so happy.

It was taken before the abuse started.

It was when life was carefree and that was a reminder for me to start living life just how I wanted. With no burdens, no fear, no pain and just soar into the sky effortlessly. I want to live my life doing what I do best. Sing. I want to sing, it makes me feel better and it makes everything bearable for that moment.

It made life bearable. For once.

I watched my team for a moment, half-watching the team sprint and half-dreaming into space as my thoughts fled towards my mother again, still under the induced coma. I’m always tensed, half-hysterical and half-worrying my weeks away in school. It’s been more than a week after I had signed the deal and I had been spending other days locked up in the studio with Rip, perfecting the new album.

I was so tired.

But for the first time, I was also glad that I can’t join them for the run since I couldn’t even walk straight properly. My team didn’t even allow me to join them, Abby and the girls threatening me if I even move from my spot without their permission. I know I love them to bits but this is getting ridiculous.

After they knew about my broken life, my team got even more protective of me. Rumours had been obviously spreading around the school and some got so warped that the student body were ridiculing me of it. I didn’t actually mind but I was glad that my team was there to scare the others away.

I don’t know if I could take their teases anymore.

As I said, I was seated on the bench and staring far off into the world only to be bought back into the world when I heard people laughing at me. I knew they were laughing at me because they were all looking right at me, pointing right at me and just basically standing just off to my right.

I mean what the hell?

I raised my eyebrow at them, apparently beyond confused at their lame attempt and this blonde girl just appeared right in front of the huge group. Even without their tacky uniforms, I knew they were from the cheerleading group. Too bright smiles, pristine looks and just disgusting clothes, they really were those types of stereotypical cheerleaders.