My life has never been roses and sunshine. I could go on and on about how I grew up in a broken household, a junkie prostitute for a mother who pimped me out to every paying customer that didn't mind sleeping with a minor.
But no, this is really ab...
"Your dance tonight was different,"Carly says swiping some lip-gloss over her lips.
"How so?" I mumbled absently as I changed back into my street clothes.
"I don't know. You seemed angry. Almost as if you hate dancing," She looks at me closely, eyes narrowed like she was looking for a chink in my demeanor.
"Nah, maybe you saw what I wanted you to see," I lied.
"You can't lie to me. You love dancing as much as you love breathing," she winks at me and struts out leaving me gaping at her back.
She was right. I love dancing. I don't do it because it makes me feel sexy or desirable. I dance for me. I could care less about who's watching. When I dance I feel... more... well me. I feel as if it's who I'm meant to be. Comfortable in my own skin and just happy.
I've never felt more myself except when I'm with my cub; I 'm still me, not the dancer but the dad.
I've thought about quitting this job many times because of my baby and I will do it someday on my own terms but hearing what Angelo thinks of it, well it only cements the way he thinks of me.
Steeling my thoughts from delving back into that hole of self-loathing I left the dressing room and decided on a few drinks before I head home. I need it.
Sitting at the bar nursing my fifth shot... wait sixth? Maybe tenth whiskey I felt somebody staring at me. Looking to my left I admired the male specimen on the stool. Damn he was handsome and sporting that smile all hot guys master.
"Hey," he says sipping his drink.
"Hello," I responded smiling shyly and feeling a bit flustered at his attention. Whoa, it has been a while since I've done this.
"I'm Valentine," he angles his torso my way.
"Cute name," I replied shyly as he openly stared at me like an open buffet and he was really, really hungry.
"You got someone?" Valentine asked and I shook my head no. The room seemed to spin every time I move.
"I got a room. Want to keep me company for a while?" I nodded, Lord alone knows why and followed Valentine.
The man wastes no time in kissing me roughly and before I knew it I was down to my underwear on his bed and Valentine was licking his way up my left thigh. The last time I was like this was six years ago.
I closed my eyes against the forbidden memory and when I reopened them my heart jerked in my chest. I swallowed hard, tried telling myself I was seeing things but there was Angelo licking further up my thigh, those eyes on me and the words, "Once a whore always a whore," seeped past his lips in the same disgusted tone.
Scrambling away, falling off the side of the bed, my knees feeling weak and the room spinning but the face that peered down at me wasn't Angelo, it was Valentine. Oh Gods.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I can't," I managed to get out while putting back on my clothes hastily.
"It's fine. Maybe another time," Valentine mumbled and I gave him a watery smile and ran out the room.
Collecting my bearings and slowing down my breathing a bit I made my way to my car intending on sleeping a few hours in the backseat before going home.
"What are you doing here?" I'm panicking a bit looking at Angelo leaning casually against the trunk of my car.
"Waiting for you," he replies hands crossed over his chest.
"Listen Syd, I'm sorry- Is that a hickey!" he roars and in a flash he had my chin in his hand as he turned my head and was staring at my neck.
"It's none of your business!" I wrenched away from his hold.
"I'm going to fucking kill whoever-"
"Nothing happened if you must know!" I yelled, exasperated. What gives him the right to act like a jealous boyfriend?
"Six years and I still can't get with a guy without you being there. Without seeing you doing the exact same things to me," my eyes welled with tears and I really don't know why, it's not like I'm dying for sex but come on, every time I try to move on from him this happens.
"Always hearing you saying those words to me," I say looking at him in the eyes.
"I hate you!" I screamed dropping my bag and shoving at his chest.
"I hate you for doing this to me!" I'm pounding on him, as hard as I could. Angelo pins my hands to my sides and pulls me into his arms, chest to chest while I sobbed hysterically into his neck.
Oh god I'm pathetic.
"I'm sorry Sydney. So damned sorry baby," Angelo kept repeating, holding me closely.
"I'm sorry I ever said those words to you. I wish I could take them back, so badly baby," he's rocking us gently, side to side.
"I wish instead I had told you how much I love you. How happy you made me," I smile slightly into his shoulder, eye lids drooping.
God I'm crazy, seeing him while trying to sleep with another man and now hearing him say these sweet words to me. I wish he did. I wish he felt for me the way I felt for him. I wish I was the one for him, his mate, his other half but all I'll ever be is a whore.
Nothing but a whore in his eyes.
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A/N
Happy Easter!
Don't forget to vote, share and comment.
I won't be updating Pride as yet but in the mean time I've posted a new story called Jim's Mechanic. Really appreciate if y'all could check it out.
