By My Side

Quiet Dinner

I have three rules when I'm the only one home with Bitchy and Isaiah.

1: Speak as little as possible.

2: Stay out of sight.

3: Just keep writing and keep calm.

So, imagine my surprise when Bitchy gets home and reveals that just the three of us are going out to eat. Now, I enjoy going out to eat, and appriacte the gesture, but I have no one to deflect attention to and my phone is dead so I have no way to write. If they read what I'm working on, they'll have me on antidepressants as fast as they can. They'd rather have me high then me be me, and I won't have that. If that happens...

It won't. It can't. I won't let it. After all, if I really need to, I can bum a ride from somebody and dissapear...

But I need the money from my books first. I go with them, and the two begin to bicker about the fire that's now smouldering.

"If my vote counts for anything," I interject, "I think we should put it out."

"It doesn't," Isaiah replies.

"Well thanks jackass," the more agressive voice retorts.

I say nothing.

As we ride to the diner, I remember what eating meals was like when I was little. The reason I always feel fat...

I remember that at the end of each meal, even when I was completely full, Bitchy would always make me eat more than I could. No matter what. Because of this, I find it hard to eat my fill and not feel fat. Maybe it's all in my head though.

We arrive at the diner and I order waffles. The actual dinner is uneventful. I just try not to say much, as they would take any excuse to ground me from writing.

After we eat and return home, I discretely return to the fire, to feel powerful again. To feel safe again. It warms my very soul as I feed it fuel to destory. Such blissful consumption it is. How I wish I could always feel this way, but that would turn me mad.

I actually end up vomiting, and quickly look up to make sure they don't see it. It was just a small one anyways, same gunk from my sinus infection.

Afterwards, I return to the fire, and the two go to run errands. Looking at the fire, with them gone, I feel powerful...

I feel safe once more...