It's Okay If You Hate Me

Çýñøţīć I

Yes, I made that specifically for this chapter, and the next one and probably  the one after that
Don't judge me

Sebring's PoV

As Soon as we got to the house I ran upstairs to my room. I ignored my brother when he called me. I just can't think straight right now. I can't. Why did I accept another date with Chris? Why is he so....Why did I....What was I thinking?!

I fell onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. The worst part is that I feel guilty for it. I don't think anyone but me noticed, but Nick looked slightly betrayed on the ride home. He wouldn't look at when he left. He shook me off when I reached out to him before I ran inside. I wonder what was going through his head? It can't be anything I need to worry about. I wonder if he likes me? Just a little?

But I just met him...how could he have feelings for me? Do I want him to? Do I have feeling for him?! Why am I thinking about this?! I just met him! Well...I went on a date with Chris even though I just met him, too....But that was because I was pissed! I....

What the hell am I doing?

Nick's PoV

Finally.

When we got back to our street, Johnny parked at his place and Lloyd went home. I could finally go back home and hide in my room. (Lloyd called my mom in the car, so she dropped off plates at his and Johnny's house (which really surprises me because for some reason I forgot that Johnny had to have a parent in the house(or some kind of gaurdian (which I should be known anyway (but you should know by now that I'm really slow (sorry for the parenthic error(I just really had to say all of this (no I didn't but I felt the need too (okay I'll stop now)))))))))

I felt a hand touch my shoulder after I'd started walking towards my house and glanced behind me to see Sebring. She had a conflicted look in her eyes, as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't. I brushed her off and continued to my house.

When I walked in, my mother was sitting on the couch reading a book. She glanced up at me, but said nothing. Now that it's just me, she doesn't feel the need to seem like a loving mother. Lloyd doesn't believe me when I tell him that it's just an act. He thinks I'm paranoid. Shaking my head, I walked up stairs to my room.

I think so much differently when Lloyd's not around me. I don't feel the need to refer to him as 'Brad' or 'Bradley'(which my mom prefers). I don't feel the need to act semi happy or like a semi normal person. I just feel empty. He's the only real friend I have, an I'm not even sure he realises how important he is to me. I don't think he even realises how little he really knows about me, which is said, seeing as he knows more about me than anyone else.

I sat on my bed and just...stared at the wall. Intently. It was all too quiet. I'm all too familiar with this silence. It only leads to one thing--voices in my head, baiting me in a war I can't win. They're always trying to pull me under. Sometimes They do. I feel like I'm drowning in all of this, and no one can see me. Through the fire and the smoke, I can't breathe. I don't even know what this is, but I know it's there. And I don't know what to do about it.

I don't remember much else after that thought, because I drifted off into another nightmare.