I Suck at Making Friends

Chapter 1

My life is hard. It's complicated. It's not as easy as it seems. Tragedies come, problems come and they hit me hard.

One of my problems is friends... You know why? 'Cause I don't have them!

I'm a loner...

I don’t know whom to share my secrets with because no one seems to care. No one cares about how I feel. No one asks how my life is. If they will, maybe I'll tell them that I'm always alone... That I don't have anyone to laugh with... That I don't have anyone to hang out with...

I have few friends, but most of them are just fake. They tend to forget me when they don't need anything from. One minute they’re okay the second they’re not. Mostly they’ll ignore me like I never met them, like I never spent time with them.

I have some friends who have ‘group’ friends. My friend will spend his/her time a lot with his/her ‘group’ friends and they’ll have fun. They go to their houses, malls, parks, and so much more. They make me ponder over a lot of things. Like, why can't I have group friends like them? Why can't my life be fun like theirs? Why am I alone? What did I do to lose friends? All these questions are still unanswered, still locked up here in my heart. Shouting and begging to be answered.

These things happen a lot in everyone’s life, young or old, men or women. A lot of young people don't know how to face such problems, like I didn’t when I was in a younger age.

When I was young, I had a few friends. Before, it was not a big deal. I didn't care if I'm alone, I didn't care if I never had anyone to talk with. All I knew was that i should never be friends with bullies because I was always getting bullied when I was young, tough life huh.

I was scared to go to places at my school because I was afraid to be bullied. I had to hide from them. Their words are hurtful and mean. They tell you things that are not true. They break your tiny, fragile heart for fun.

If only I had a friend to protect me from those evil people. If only I knew how to make friends

When I was younger, bullies were my enemies. They made me cry for no reason. I never liked to tell my family that I was getting bullied at school cause it would look like I'm so lame or something.

Some time back, I didn't know that I would need friends to live. If I only knew, then maybe I would have made tons of them.

I learned to be strong in a very young age. I learned to push back the tears and let go. I learned to move forward and forget.

I don't fight back when I get bullied because I know that I'm not strong enough. They're bigger than I am. And I am just a small, skinny boy who's afraid of people who are even of his own age! Pathetic but wise.

Bullies from my school will judge you like they know you so well. Like they've been able to wear the same shoes as you have. They'll brainwash you to make you think things that are not true about yourself. They'll insult you until you cry or run away from them. They won't leave you alone unless you'll escape them.

I have grown to be bullied, but it never became physical. They just used hurtful words that will hurt me like knives and hit me directly in the heart. It makes me wish that I was not alive or present in that time or place.

Friends became rare to me. I only got few friends and most of them were easily lost. We lose touch. Maybe because I’m not worthy enough for their time, maybe because we didn’t have much in common, maybe because I was not trying hard for them to stay in my life.

Not trying enough for my friends to stay in my life is one of my regrets in life. I should’ve made them stay. I should’ve been a better friend. I should’ve loved them more. But I guess it’s too late.

As I grew older, I started gaining more friends. I rarely talked to people because I'm scared to be noticed for I may be bullied again. I tried to live in other people's shadows because I was scared to be seen by others. I don't want people to know me because they might judge me like the bullies that judged me with untrue things.

Soon enough, I was judged by some of my friends, but their words didn't make me weak. Their words somehow made me stronger. They made me wiser and made me realize that friends are good in people's lives. Friends will correct you so that you can be a better and a stronger person.

During my first year in high school years, I tried to gain friends, real friends. I tried to distant myself from bullies. I tried to choose the right people. I tried to accept people in my life and see what their characters are. I tried to be brave. And most of all, I tried to be a better person and a good friend.

Not long ago, I made a friend whom I could trust, believe, love, care and more. I told her a lot of my secrets and she told some of hers too. We spend a lot of our time together. But it's a little bit hard to spend time with her since I'm a boy and she is obviously a girl.

The important thing is that we’re happy, we laugh like crazy, and we smile for no reason.

Because of her I feel complete. Because of her, I know I won't be alone again, I won't cry again for being bullied, I won't be lonely again. I will be happy because I got a TRUE friend.

It's like my world is spinning around her. It’s like she’s enough even if she’ll be the only friend that I got. She's a great friend and great listener. She knows a lot about me and I know about her. She understands me even if I won’t tell her something. A simple eye contact means a lot when she’s around. She's perfect for anyone, maybe too perfect.

We've been best friends for 2 long years. She has the longest time of being friends with me. She can be my best friend forever, but time came for us to be apart.

It was hard to be apart from a friend, a close friend. She's been part of my life. She made a huge impact of my life. She completely changed my life. She turned it all around. She made me realize tons of things. Like, people can’t live without friends, friends are the only people who can understand you and will be willing to listen to you.

It was hard to forget about the things that we've done together. Everything that I do reminds me of her. Even though we’re not a couple, I still miss her. Those chats we've made, those random laughs, those inside jokes, everything, I miss them all.

I don't hate you for leaving me, I'm just sad. All I know is that when a friend leaves you, that only mean one thing, and it means that someone will be part of your life, maybe better.

Friends will come and go.

(By the way, please don’t hate her. There’s a second chapter of this book so please continue reading. I won’t tell the reason why she left, but I’ll tell you what happened next. PLEASE DON’T HATE HER or think anything bad about her. Thank You!)