How to date a Nerd

Chapter 12

"No, please..." I stutter, my eyes ready to flood out. Great. "I didn't mean... at school, it's just so different. I don't know what happens to me."

"I know exactly what happens to you." She shakes her head and starts clicking the lightsaber keychain on her hip.

"But... I... I never ever mean to... I guess I don't think about it hurting you." I slam my face on the steering wheel again. "I'm selfish. That's what happens to me. I can't think about anyone but myself when I'm there."

"I don't think that's true, either." My brow crinkles as I turn to her. "What?"

"If you only thought about yourself, who you really are, you wouldn't care about what other people think so much." She looks out her window, her breath fogging up the glass. "And you're still not answering me."

"What was the question, again?"

She rolls her head back to look at me. "Are you using me?"

I shake my head wildly. It may come off its hinges.

"You're saying you want to be my friend again?" Is that hope in her voice? Like, does she want that too?

I totally want to be close to her. To hug her and tell her that's exactly what I want. Without really thinking, I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean over her, taking in her intoxicating scent. Her breath catches with her surprise at our proximity, but she doesn't move. Her eyes lock with mine, searching for the answer to her question.

A flash of movement passes the window behind her head, pulling my eyes away from her.

Outside, Keaton and Normani walk across the park grass, snuggled into each other, laughing and flirting.

Crap. If they look this way and see me leaning over Lauren like this, I mean forget the Chlamydia rumors. It'll all be about me seducing the Head Nerd. It sucks to think of Lauren that way. Because she's so much more than just someone people make fun of. She's fun, funny, super awesome to hang out with, and accepts people for who they are. She's not afraid either. To be herself.

And I'm nothing like that. I'm afraid of myself.

I reach over Lauren and yank on the seat release and she flies back, letting out a yelp.

I fumble around with the keys, start the car and screech out of the parking lot without stalling the dang thing.

Lauren adjusts her seat. "What was that about?" She turns around to look out the back window, and her voice lowers. "Oh."

I open my mouth to say the apology on my tongue, but she stops it.

"I think you've got the hang of this driving stick stuff. Take me home."

I nod, because there's really nothing to say, and then stall the car.

I try again.

And again.

And again.

Still nothing. My legs shake too much to concentrate, and all of a sudden Lauren yells at me.

"You have to feather the clutch, Camila! You're doing it too fast."

My defenses zap into place as another wave of tears splash down my cheeks. I'm always crying around her. "I'm trying!"

She puts her hand on my knee, but it's totally not sexy. She tries to control my foot as I let it off the clutch.

The car goes forward, then comes to an abrupt stop.

"ARRR!" I scream and shake the steering wheel. I so can't do this right now. I'm hurting her. Hurting me. Hurting everyone.

"Get out." Lauren unbuckles her seatbelt and opens her door.

"What?"

"Get out!" I crawl into the passenger seat, pouting like a freaking five-year-old. I know the person I should be pissed at is me, but Lauren is the one who's going to get the brunt of it.

"I'm sorry! I can't concentrate!"

"It's 'cause you're in too much of a hurry to get out of here without being seen with me," she snaps. "So let me help you."

She starts the car and shifts like a crazy racecar driver, and before I know it, we're back in my driveway.

"Were you watching?" She says as she chucks the keys in my lap. "That's how you drive stick. And that's your last lesson. Hope you learned something."

"Lauren, wait." She doesn't. She's already halfway across the lawn separating our houses by the time I catch up to her.

"Look, I'm sorry," I say grabbing her arm.

"Just stop it!" She jerks back from my hold and I stare at her like an idiot. "Why am I such an embarrassment to you?"

Again, I have no answer for her. She shakes her head, her hair flying around his face.

"Forget it." Everything inside me says I need to go after her, but I stay put. There's nothing I can say that wouldn't be totally contradictory to what I do.

I stop the flow of tears and stomp to my bedroom, slamming the door so hard I'm surprised my house is still standing.

Flattening my lips into a straight line, I gaze out my window at Lauren's room. She wants to chuck keys at me? Yell? Continue to be dork of the year? Fine.

She'll never understand anyway. She won't get it. She's never been popular. She's never had to hide who she really is because she can handle it.

I can't.

And I'll probably never be able to