Niall Horan Imagines

I'm Sorry His POV part 1

This is the next chapter on goodbye. Hope you like it:)

I was sitting on the couch. A bottle of beer in one hand and in the other the remote. I had no idea what I was watching.

I've never felt this bad in my life. I lost her, I lost the only person who loved me no matter what, who stood by my side and held me close. 

I can't believe I pushed her away. I pushed her so far that she left me. She warned me and all I thought was that she was joking. I took her for granted. 

Y/N was the reason why the hate didn't got to me, why people could say that shit about me but it didn't effect me. As long as she loved me, nothing mattered.

But now that she was gone my whole world collapsed. The hate cut like swords in my skin. I almost didn't ate anything. I was mostly skin and bones.

That didn't matter to me. Nothing mattered. Only she did. I closed my eyes and pictured her.

I thought of her eyes who always lit up when I looked at her, her never ending smile, her laugh, it was the most contagious thing in the entire world. Once she laughed everyone laughed. How her hair waved in the wind making it curl slightly. She hated it, but I thought she looked most beautiful when she looked like that. She was gorgeous all the time but when she looked like that. Her hair messed up looking up at me with her Y/E/C eyes, pleading to cuddle with me because she was cold. I became weak in my knees.

God, I miss her. The tears streamed down my face when I thought about her. I let out a loud sob and held my head in my hands. How could I be this stupid!

I took the empty beer bottle and smashed it to the nearby wall. I was so mad at myself. I kept sobbing. Face half covered by the sofa and knees to my chest like a baby.

When my tears ran out I felt like crap. My head was pounding, my eyes were swollen, my throat was sore. But it didn't stop my heart from being broken. This was the worst feeling I've ever felt in my entire life.

I stood up from my crying spot and walked around. I was already a bit stiff and I didn't need another thing added to the list of pain that's called my life.

I walked up the stairs, planning on laying on Y/N's side, which still smelled like her, and imagining that she was still here with me. One foot after the other. I looked like I limped. The wooden stairs weren't creaking as it was usually when I walked up. 

I really need to eat something.  I thought. I walked into the room that I used to share with her. 

I pulled my shirt off and slowly unzipped my pants while sobbing. It became a habit. Y/N hated it when I came into bed with dirty clothes. 

How the hell can everything in this world remind her of me. Because she is my world. 

I walked to the bed. When my knees touched the end of the bed I fell down. Face first. I groaned and flipped to my back. I looked up at the ceiling. 

Thinking of her. I grabbed the blanket that was resting near my feet and pulled it to my neck. I cuddled up with her pillow and fell asleep. The only place that I was still with her.

I groaned when I heard my mobile ring. I looked at the screen, flinching at it's brightness, and saw that it was Liam calling me. I decided to pick up the phone, I hadn't talked to the boys for a really long time.

''Hey Liam.'' My voice sounded groggy, which made me think of the first time Y/N slept here, she loved my voice like this. damn it, stop thinking about her! ''Niall! What the hell, we haven't seen you in a week! You haven't been showing up for work, food, anything! Where the hell are you!?''