I Still Need ✓

16. I've never been this nervous in my entire life

A lot of things made so much more sense now. When I thought about it, there were so many signs. I just missed them because I told myself there were none. Now that I thought back to everything that had happened, I remembered Floyd had said he was confused, when I'd asked him if he had a crush, which could have simply meant he wasn't sure about his sexuality, which I'm sure was a part of it. But it wasn't that confusing for him to like a boy, because he was familiar and perfectly okay with the concept. He must have been confused about liking both of us. Or maybe I was seeing things. That's what I was going through myself, after all. That didn't mean he was.

Yeah, I was probably seeing things.

But he had never been jealous, either. Of neither of us. In fact, when Dylan and I were dating and spending time together, he said he felt left out, and when we were kissing, he was flustered and blushed and even ran out of the room. Whatever that meant.

"Dylan."

"Yes."

"Never mind."

"Okay."

This had been going on for almost an hour now and I was actually starting to feel bad for Dylan.

I just didn't know how to tell him and I kept trying to work up courage to do it, but then lost it right away. I had no idea where Dylan got all this patience from. I would have snapped after the first three minutes, but he still responded every single time. He was simply absent-mindedly tracing circles on my chest as we lay on his bed together, patiently waiting for me to get my shit together.

"Dylan."

"Yes."

"I... I need to do this."

"Ooh, that's a new one. Go on then."

"No, never mind."

"Ah, disappointing."

I slapped my face, winced at the pain and said, "No, I need to! I really have to tell you this. It's important." I turned my head to look at him and he did the same, curiously studying my face, before asking with a cheeky smile, "Is it about your peach fuzz?"

"No, shut up! I shave, thank you very much!"

"I can see that. You look great."

"Thanks," I said, feeling my ears grow a bit hotter at the compliment. "But you're distracting me. This is important, Dylan!"

"Okay, then just tell me."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Well, you see, Olivia told me what she wanted to tell me."

"Oh, well, that only took forever."

"She told me last week already."

He sat up. "Then why did you wait so long to tell me, if it's so important?"

"Because... uhh, I don't really know how to tell you."

"Why is it important to me anyway? She told you."

I just had to tell him by now, didn't I? I had no other choice. Now that the cat was out of the bag, he would just keep asking questions I didn't know how to answer. There was no working around it anymore.

Wow, I'd driven myself in a corner.

I covered my face with my hands and muttered, "Well, she said something about... Floyd."

To this day, I still don't know how I managed to lie to Floyd. Of course, he asked me if Olivia had told me anything and I said no. Just like that. If you can count me grimacing like the Joker as 'just like that', but somehow, Floyd still believed me. And after that, I had relentlessly tried to avoid him. I didn't know how to keep it from him that I knew. That I knew everything. That I knew that he had feelings for us. For both of us.