Need to be healed

Chapter 12

Did he recognize me? He referred to me, right? Why is he doing this to me? Was all the torture in high school not enough,that he has come to make my life a misery in college also? No, I can't let this happen. A new beginning, that's what I came here for. And I can't let the ghosts of my past haunt me anymore.

"Aaron, I'm really sorry but I need to go now. I'll meet you later.Bye."

"But, Kaira wait up. Hey Kaira..."

I could hear Aaron's voice getting faint every second as I was running. Running from him. Running from my past. But for how long? For how long should I ignore? Or for that matter, how long will I be able to avoid it, till the giant elephant is finally in the room? And my ugly past is revealed. And what happens after that? What will Aaron think of me? A coward? But, that's the truth isn't it? I'm nothing but a coward. But I had to be that way so that my baby brother doesn't go through whatever the hell I went through. I couldn't risk his happiness for mine, could I?  

So I ran,as fast and far away as my feet allowed. But at one point I had to stop.All of it had to stop. And I knew that  was never going to happen unless I put an end to it. But I didn't  have it in me to face the consequences if I fess up. Whether it'll be pity or disgust or just more hate and anger, I'm not ready to deal with any of it right now. Therefore I did what I was best at, shed tears in silent.

I didn't want to hear anything from anyone, I didn't want to see anyone's face. I just wanted to be with myself. How it has always has been. Me and nobody else. But I had to keep myself engaged otherwise I'll make myself go crazy thinking about all these stuff. So I went to the bus stop, took a bus and got down near the farthest movie theater from our college. I bought a ticket to the comedy film that was being shown and went inside. The loud noise inside the hall boomed and filled my mind, not letting it wander in search of all those unwanted memories. It was a really funny movie judging from how all the people seating scattered in the hall were laughing their asses off. But I managed to break into a laugh only once or twice. Well, that was enough as a distraction for me. It was one thing that my mom taught me when I was a kid, that when sad search for a distraction. It works for me always.

Then I decided to go to Starbucks. I didn't buy any popcorn or coke in the theater, so it was okay for me to spend a bit in Starbucks, right? Well I just consoled myself saying it was okay for me to spend. Starbucks was close by, so I walked and while walking I put my earphones in my ear and the music on. And by music I mean some hard core rock and roll. Usually my preference is pop or country and even Kpop. But when everyone likes a little bit of headbanging once in a while. And as I said, I needed distraction and music was the perfect answer to that untill I help myself with my favourite frappuccino in Starbucks, which happens to be the White Mocha Frappuccino.

With Pink Floyd blasting from my earphones I pushed through the Starbucks door and went ahead to place my order. After I sat down, despite trying, my contemplation began. But what struck me the most was the fact that my thoughts mostly revolved around Aaron. I thought what he would think if he comes to know about me. I thought what would be his reaction once he knows the truth. I thought if he would still consider him as my friend then. Or if he'll ever want to be anything more than a friend.

Then I realized, that I wasn't thinking about what am I gonna do once Josh confronts me, though I hope I don't have to live to see that day, instead I was worried about Aaron's reactions. And that was a first for me. Never before have I ever worried about what someone else thinks about me.I always knew what they thought about me. And that's where the problem lies. I never had any expectations before from anyone. But now I do. I expect Aaron to stay beside me even after the ugly truth comes out. And that my lords and ladies was a big problem, big with a capital B.

While wondering about all this, I realized one more thing. That though I didn't agree before, I was doing exactly what Aaron had planned our day as. I went to watch a movie, then came to Starbucks just like his plan was. And now I plan to go to a crowdy place.                

Maybe Aaron really understood me better than anyone ever did.

The carnival.Where I'll see no familiar faces and there'll be no one to judge me. I can get lost amongst the crowd. Maybe I can find my solace in the most noisiest place of the town right now. A place filled with people's laughter and jollieness. And maybe someone among them will be able to hear my silent cries. And maybe just maybe, that someone is Aaron Walters.