new boy || awsten knight (discontinued)

5% | cottoncandy hair

A/N: HI PLS COMMENT AND VOTE

x

-jordan's pov.-

soft snores escaped awstens mouth. i still couldn't believe he asked me to be his girlfriend. i tossed and turned all night thinking about it. my mind was a terrifying place and i don't think awsten knows it yet. once he finds out about the voices he will probably leave, just like everyone else. the voices spoke up as i kept trying to fall asleep.

"he's doing this because your his only friend"

"he will leave once he knows about your depression, about us"

"awsten doesn't care about you"

it wouldn't stop. i needed it to stop. for the past year the voices have been loud, ever since zeke.

"SHUT UP!" i finally yelled out loud then covering my mouth realizing the blue haired boy was sleeping peaceful next to me.

his eyes fluttered open reacting from the loud yell i accidentally let out. my face was white like i had seen a ghost. awsten sat up.

"you idiot look what you've done" a voice said. i close my eyes and held my head.

"j? j, are you okay? what's wrong?" awsten said with a sleepy voice.

"oh uh nothing just a um bug. you can go back to bed" i looked over at the clock

2:27am

"jordan don't lie to me like that." awsten said angrily but in a caring way.

"i'm sorry awsten." i rubbed my hands on my face. "i don't want to give you my problems."

"do you want to talk about what happened? all i heard was shut up... j please talk to me if you need to." he looked kind of sad.

"promise you won't leave me after?" i said in almost a whisper

he scotched over to me and hugged me.

"promise" he whispered.

i sighed. did i really have to tell him? this was going to be a train wreck, i thought to myself.

"awsten i think you know this because i've probably brought it up once before but i'm depressed..."

he looked at me in confusion and just kept listening.

"or uh maybe i haven't told you. i didn't want to because i was scared you'd leave like everyone else. zeke never knew how to deal with it so he just kind of ignored it and just told me i was fine. after i found him... ya know... it got worse. i started hearing voices and what not. my insecurities got to me because i just felt i wasn't good enough anymore. the voices would always tell me that he left me because i was too fat or too short or even too bitchy. they say i'm too clingy or too dramatic. when they get so loud sometimes i yell at them out loud instead of in my head like i mean to... that's i guess what you heard.." i scratched  the back of my neck.

"d-do you want to tell me what they were saying... you know when you told them to sh-shut up?" awsten spoke still looking sad.

"your going to think i'm insane awsten"

"i promised i wouldn't leave. please tell me so i could try and stop them." awsten said playing with my hand.

"you promise you won't call me crazy?" i asked.

"promise."

"they just kept saying how you only asked me out because i'm your only friend and you only took me here out of pity. and that your just going to leave when you find out about my depression and their voices. i'm sor-" before i could finish his lips crashed into mine. he broke the kiss and put his head on my shoulder.