Everything's Changing

Chapter 14

Amber POV

When I got home from the funeral, I sat in my car just thinking about nothing. It was as if I just froze.

I heard a knock on my windshield, so I looked at my window and saw Marcel waving his hand.

I got out of the car and greeted him with a hug.

When we got inside the house, I took off my shades and put my handbag on the sofa.

"I'm going to change into comfortable clothes, so make yourself at home", I told him and he headed for the kitchen while I walked towards the staircase.

I changed into blue shorts and a white singlet then walked out of the bedroom. I stopped at the top of the staircase and the baby's nursery got my attention. I backed away from the staircase and walked into the nursery. It was decorated with all things blue, white and green. I walked over to the empty crib and rubbed my hand on the wood. The same feeling of sadness was back and I sunk down to the ground near the crib and began to cry. My body shook as sobs wracked through my entire body. Kevin had hurt me for months, and he managed to even hurt my baby in the process.

I stood up and punched the wall behind me, as I screamed out all of my frustrations. I imagined the wall being Kevin. I punched the wall until I could no more. Just as I was about to drop myself on the floor, I felt Marcel's arms wrap around my waist as he pulled me up into his chest. What is wrong with him! He should have let me fall!

The numbness in my fist were fading and my anger took over my body.

I pushed Marcel away from me and stood up straight.

"I want to leave this house!", I said to him, raising my voice a little.

"Okay..............you can move in with me. I don't have a problem with that", he said in a calm tune.

"No!", I yelled at him then immediately felt bad about it. He's just trying to be a good friend and I'm just treating him badly. What is happening to me? "I just don't want anyone to pity me", I said in a more calm tune to show him that I wasn't angry at him.

"Well I own some apartments, so maybe you can rent one of them", he said.

I thought about his offer for a couple of seconds then nodded my head. "Thanks."

"Your welcome", he smiled.

**********

NEXT DAY

Dani, Liam and Marcel came to help me get rid of everything that was in my home. I don't want anything that reminds me of our home. I'll just buy everything that I need. The only thing that I'm keeping is my clothing and shoes. Everything that was already used, I gave them to the salvation army while I gave all the baby's items to teen moms for all of the baby's things were still new. Sadly I never got to use them. I pushed the sad thought aside and I continued to fill up my boxes with all my clothing, shoes and accessories.

By the end of the week we were done with giving away mine, Kevin's and the baby's belongings.

My new apartment was beautiful. It was on the eighth floor, it had all the furniture that I needed, and the bedroom look like a hotel room but bigger.

I was sitting on my bed and I have no idea what came over me. I just started crying, realizing how messed up my life was. I even tried going back to work but every time I saw a kid I would just end up crying in front of the parents. I have to be able to handle myself when I see children because I have no choice. I'm a pediatrician. I did not spend all those years in school doing my best for nothing.

I felt like the air in this apartment was suffocating me. No matter how much I try to leave the past in the past, I still remember every single detail as if it only happened a minute ago. All of the memories were going through my head and I got a headache from all the thinking.

I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

If this is how my life is going to be, I don't want it anymore.

I walked over to my balcony and sat on the railing. I believe this floor is high enough to end my misery.

I sat on the thick railing and I looked down as tears rolled down my eyes.

"Amber!", I heard someone scream my name but when I look down there was no one there. I guess it's just in my head.

I wipe a tear with my right hand. "Ahh!", I screamed when I almost loose my grip of the railing.

What am I thinking!

"Amber!", I heard my name being called again but this time the sound was closer, so I turned my head around and saw Marcel standing behind me. "What are you doing?", he asked with panic obvious in his voice.

I didn't answer him because the answer was pretty obvious.

"I hate my life", I cried.

"But you don't have to do this Amber."

"What is worth saving about me!", I yelled in the air.

"Everything", I heard him say. "Kevin committed suicide. You are not him your better than him", he said.

So that's what happened to him.

How did I come from always being happy to this. Where did I go wrong with my life?

"Amber if you do this, everyone would be left miserable. Dani, Liam.............. and me", I heard him say.

I took a deep breath and let go of the railing. I felt myself fall.

Well actually...... I thought I felt myself fall but when I let go of the railing, Marcel pulls me back and we land on the balcony floor.

Why is he always interfering with my plans?

"I carried him for seven months and now he's gone. I feel like a part of me died. I will always wonder who he would have been", I cried.

"Shhhh, it's going to be fine", he said near my ear as I sobbed on his suit.

I hate tears! I hate crying! I hate that I had a miscarriage! And I hate Kevin!

"What is happening to me?"

"Your going to be okay", he rubbed my arm.

"I need help!", I said realizing that my messed up life is messing with my mind.

"Don't worry okay. I will get you some help", he said and I heard him take in a deep breath then let it out. "Please don't ever scare me like that again", he said hugging me tighter.

I did not say anything because I know that I can't promise him that.

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