How to date a Nerd

Chapter 6

"You're not talking because you're upset about her, right?"Lauren shrugs. "And you're taking it out on me?" She inches closer to her, and I feel like yanking her hair out. "Sorry." She moves her backpack so it's nestled between them. She's pretty smooth about it, but I can tell she doesn't want to be close to her.

"You know I hate it when you shut me out." I hear a grinding noise and it takes a minute for me to register it's my teeth. How long has she been her "go to" girl? "Sorry," She says again. "I know." Lauren picks at a loose thread in her jeans, and it's quiet for what seems like an eternity. "I thought, after this weekend, things were getting better."

This weekend? Does she mean after I pulled a fugitive move out her bathroom window? "Lauren..." She scoots closer still, almost sitting on top of Lauren's bag. I really want to scream at her to take the hint. "Don't," Lauren says. "What?" Ariana's hands are on her forearm now.

"Don't say it."

"Say what?"

"You know what."She lets out a huge breath from her nostrils. "I don't get why you let her do this to you." "She just gets to me!" Lauren's arms fly up and Lucy's pulls away. "I don't know why either, but she does. And I don't know how much more of it I can take."

"Then don't take it anymore!" I see Lauren's surprise as Lucy yells back. I have to admit, I've never heard her voice this loud either. "But..." She can't seem to finish her thought.

"Come on. She's not worth this and you know it. You have to drop it." Her voice softens. "She's not your friend anymore. You have to let her go." She rubs her back to soothe her. "Don't you think I've tried? It's harder than it looks." She shrugs her hand off, and I can't help but feel happy she keeps rejecting her touch. If she hadn't, I probably would've gone all Gollum on her even though I have no claim on the girl.

Lucy's face darkens, flushing to the color of a fire engine. "I guess if you're into shallow girls who sleep with every guy they see, I suppose she would be hard to get over. But I thought you were different than that. Better." Holy Batman. Maybe I'm not exactly popular with everyone. I've changed almost one-hundred percent and people are still talking about me behind my back.

My cheeks blow up, and I force the tears away. Breathe, Camila. Breathe! You have to breathe!

I can't, though. It hurts too much. It's like it's two years ago again, and I'm right back to where I was. Being insulted and gossiped about. It doesn't matter that Lucy's one of the loser girls. It feels close to the same as it did before. Only this time, she's making fun of someone I'm trying to be, and not who I really am.

I guess that's not as bad.

I'm breathing again.

I'm also trying not to notice Lucy said: "get over." I had no idea she had to get over anyone, let alone someone who hasn't given her the time of day since middle school. Someone like me. "Don't believe everything you hear. I know she's not really like that." There goes my heart again, pumping so loud I wish I could turn it on mute. "You keep saying that, but I think you're in denial."

"She's not like that." Her voice isn't mean, but it gives the impression she's done talking about it. How the heck does she know I'm not really like that? Just from this weekend? Or do I always revert to Geek Camila around her?

"Well, you need to face facts," Lucy says, standing. She stumbles a little and Lauren reaches out to steady her. When she gets her bearings, she folds her arms. "She's changed. She's a slut who doesn't think about anyone but herself. She doesn't want anything to do with you because you like things that aren't 'socially acceptable'." With every syllable of her air quoted words, she cocks her head to the side. I'm about ready to reach up and yank her skirt down, just to watch her face get red. See how she feels when someone humiliates her. But that would make me a major hypocrite. "It's stupid and shallow and weak. And you deserve better than that." She pauses to catch her breath. Lauren looks at the football field, seemingly lost in thought. "I hate to be the one who has to keep knocking sense into you, but someone has to."

She nods.

Crap. She's not defending me this time. Why would she? Lucy's right. She's right.

Oh my gosh. I am a huge-ass hypocrite. Stabbing pains shoot all over my body. I'm about to buckle over, but the ground is so nasty.

Lucy clomps down the bleachers, leaving Lauren alone. Should I say something to her? How do I do that without her knowing I was here this whole time?

The warning bell rings, and I know I have to go. I can't be late for my last class, but my feet aren't moving. Lauren punches her bag before picking it up and stomps off after Lucy.

------

Dinah gives me a ride home. I stuff my Chemistry book between my legs as I buckle in. I haven't spoken a word to anyone since lunch, and Dinah eyes me with a tentative smirk.

"I heard about Shawn." Dinah is anything but subtle.

I nod. "Does he taste as good as he looks?" I nod again. I'm not interested in gossip, and I'm way beyond putting up my false persona. I want to get home and erase the conversation I overheard.

"Could you feel it?" Oh my gosh, is she serious? I give her a look and she's stifling a huge grin. "Are the rumors about him true?" She's laughing now, and I finally break down in a fit too.

"I really have no idea how big his wang is since I wasn't paying attention," I answer. "Ah! I knew it!" she says slamming her hand on the steering wheel. "Knew what?" I still can't stop laughing. "I could get you to crack a smile." She winks. "Now tell me what's wrong."

I'm a freaking horrible person who made out with some random guy before stumbling after a guy who I'm face-over-feet for and I don't know why. And I just... I miss being me.

I end up shrugging and looking out the window. "Are you surfin' the Red Sea or something? You're really quiet, girl. "Sorry." And then using her question as an excuse I say, "And yes, I'm on my period. So I'm just a little out of it today."

"I guess I'd be upset too if I was PMS-ing on top of breaking up with my boyfriend, my sister crashing my uber cute sports car, and then getting grounded for... how long was it?" Oh, that's right. I'm "grounded." "Who knows? My dad didn't get to that part."

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

No.

Well, maybe.

"Give me a hug?"

She smiles as she pulls over bumping against the curb. "Whoops," she says, her face flushing. 

We hop out and she pulls me in her arms. We pull back, and I smile. "Thanks for the ride, dirty skank." She laughs and socks my arm. "No problem, slut. See ya tomorrow." She drives off, leaving me standing in my front yard, heels sinking into the grass. I flick my eyes to my new car and puff up my face.

If I was a nice person, I'd leave Lauren alone. Ignore what I overheard today and move on. Do what I've been doing. Be friends with Dinah, keep getting the attention I want, and minimize getting tormented by all the kids in school.

But I'm not a nice person. I'm an egotistical, stuck-up, selfish beast. That's who I've become. And all I can think about is what Lucy said. "You have to drop it. You have to let her go."

I don't want Lauren to let me go. Not when I just found out she had to. The problem is, I don't know why I feel like this. It's not like I can be her friend without suffering the consequences.

I let out the air stuck in my face and walk down the sidewalk. I'm going to talk to Lauren. And this time, I won't crawl out her window to get away from her.