I Still Need ✓

14. I need things I really shouldn't be needing

 "Hey, Hugo?"

I merely hummed in reply, while twirling a strand of Dylan's long hair around my finger, my eyes closed in appreciating at simply being able to lie there together on my bed in the afternoon sun seeping through the windows.

"Do you remember what I said when we went to the movies?"

In a split second, I was sitting straight up, staring him down as he lay there with a completely straight face. "What?"

"Do you remember wha—"

"I heard you the first time. Are you talking about what I think you're talking about? Are you referring to your... 'offer'? Your offer to... hook up?"

He nodded.

"Why on earth are you bringing that up?"

"Because I was wondering what your answer would be now."

"Well, it's kind of redundant, don't you think? We like each other, hence why we're dating, so why would we start an arrangement like that, but without the feelings?"

"No, I meant that I'm curious what you'd say if I said I'd want to sleep with you."

"Wh— I, uh... D-do you really?"

"Hugo," he sighed, sitting up to bring his face up to mine. "I already told you I'd be waiting. I'd love to be able to touch you and make you come for me. I'd do you against any surface I can find. And I'd love for you to do the same thing to me."

I went so red, my face felt like someone had it pressed against a radiator. "I'm—" I couldn't even bring out another word.

"Does that convince you?"

"Wait," I said when I found my tongue again. I replayed what he'd said in my mind. "You want to switch?"

"Boyyy," he dragged out and I mocked, "Gurrrl."

"It's both fun! I don't really see either of us always being more, uh... dominant than the other, I guess, as much as I hate that term. Anyway, what did you expect?"

"I-I thought, uh..." My cheeks definitely weren't going to cool down any time soon. "Never mind."

"No," he whined, putting his hands on my hips. "Tell me."

Eventually, I murmured, "I thought you'd be... you know, on top."

He grinned and leaned close to whisper, "I will be, baby," and he bridged the tiny gap to my lips to press a fierce kiss to them. "But you'll be great on top, too."

"How do you know?" I muttered, getting rather flustered at his words and actions, and he made it even worse by pulling me closer.

"I don't," he told me. "It's what my fantasies tell me."

A shiver went through my spine. Fantasies? I'd had my fair share of those. Lots of fantasies with Dylan and with Floyd and with... Dylan and Floyd. There was clearly something wrong with my brain.

"Dylan?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there something wrong with me?"

He let go of my waist and gave me a wide-eyed look. "What? Why would there be something wrong with you?"

I took a deep breath and decided to just throw it all out at him. He wasn't going to judge, I'd learned that before. I could safely tell him without causing anything. "I just don't understand why I can't let Floyd go."

"It's normal, Hugo. Crushes don't just go away."

"No, but I mean... I can't really explain it. I like you, I need you, but... I still need him, too. It's not like you're not enough or something... That's ridiculous. You're amazing. I just—" I cut myself off with a frustrated sigh.