Resolution

62. The Scientist

"Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me."

Song: The Scientist

Artist: Coldplay

 Harry's POV

I had to be dreaming.  I had to be.  There was no possible way the girl I love just came in here and ripped my heart to shreds.  She didn’t arrive out of nowhere and say the things I’ve feared all along.  She didn’t just tell me I’m not good enough, she deserves better, she should have done this a long time ago.  She didn’t just leave me hanging when I told her to tell me she loved me.    

She wouldn’t do that.  She couldn’t.  Halle, my Halle, would never obliterate my heart so effectively and leave me like this.  She said she loved me, that she’d always love me; surely she couldn’t say those things to me.  My Halle would say ‘I love you’ back when I told her what I felt so utterly and completely- that I loved her now and that I’d love her until the day I die.  She could never be so cold and unfeeling and so opposite her usual self.  That wasn’t her.  She wouldn’t.

But she did.

This wasn’t a dream.

This was a nightmare. 

My mind and body were yet to catch up to each other as I sat numbly on my bed.  I hadn’t moved since she left and now that she had, I had no intention of moving ever again.  How could I possibly move when my heart had been shattered?  How was I supposed to get up and carry on when the sharp, freezing shards of my fragmented heart were piercing every inch they could reach, tearing and ripping and shredding me apart until there was nothing left but a mangled heap of blood and flesh and bone? 

This wasn’t right; this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.  She was supposed to be here with me now, warm and free and alive as she pressed her body into mine.  She would sigh happily when I kissed her shoulder and she’d pretend to fight me when my arms only drew her tighter against me.  She’d mumble ‘good morning’ in her adorable, sexy morning voice and I’d respond with some raspy response of my own.  She’d twist in my arms and look at me with her beautiful eyes that told me so much about her every thought.  She’d be content to lay with me all day if only we never had to eat or go out in the real world.

That was what we should be doing right now- not this.

It was like the world had been robbed of all the warmth, the cold personified in shapes of shadowy demons that took her away from me.  I could feel the cold closing in around me, the icy grip of it scratching and clawing at my skin until it broke through and squeezed the life out of my soul.  It took me over quickly, extinguishing the ever-burning fire that lingered through my veins the second she walked out the door.

Halle was my light, my fire, my heart, my source of everything good in the world.  I could hardly begin to comprehend what I had just lost, my mind far behind the reaction of my body.  My mind seemed just buzz numbly while my heart was no longer beating as it had surely disappeared by now.  My stomach was twisted into a knot so tight I didn’t think I’d ever be able to move again.  There was a devastating ache throbbing through my entire body, the loss felt physically before the true emotion even hit.

I could feel it creeping in, however- the devastatingly strong pain that started to come with the realization that she was gone.  Her words started to echo around my skull, mocking me and taunting me just as they had months ago when I started to think them.  She had confirmed everything I had been afraid of.

This was all just a mistake.

Of course it was.  She met me in a crowded party and threw caution to the winds with me because she was feeling impulsive.  I, like the asshole that I am, took full advantage.  Of course she would end up regretting it.  Why should she bother trying to start a relationship with someone like me who had clearly been in that situation more than a few times?  Sure, I’d never felt something like I’d felt with her, but she didn’t know that at the time.  Of course she thought it was a mistake.