Life Through a Lense

Chapter Sixteen

I am so sorry it took me so long to update! I had no idea how busy I was going to get with midterms! 

I could tell as soon as Chris woke up that his hangover was going to be a nasty one. As much as I didn't want to break up with him while he had a killer headache, this couldn't wait any longer. The very least I could do was wait until he could sit up and see straight without being blinded by the lights.

"Here," I told him, handing him some asprin and water.

He took them gratefully and gulped down the entire glass of water like he had just crossed the Sahara desert. Rubbing his eyes and twisting to pop his back, it took him a second to realize where he was.

"I don't even remember how I got here," he remarked.

"Yeah, whatever was in that mix last night was strong shit," I agreed.

"God, I haven't gotten this drunk since..." he struggled to remember.

"Since Jake Mellark's graduation party," I reminded him.

Usually he was the sober one, but I agreed to be the designated driver for that night so he intended to drink just a little. The only problem was that Jake put the family moonshine in the punch. Moonshine that Jake's family had been making since the good ole days of Prohibition. They'd been tinkering and adjusting it ever since and by the time of the party, it only took you a tiny amount to be completely wasted.

Despite wincing and being in overall misery, Chris could tell that there was something wrong. I didn't want to break up with him like this. But there was always going to be something in the way, something delaying me. He didn't deserve to be lead on anymore.

"Everything good?"

I sighed. "We need to talk," I told him.

He raised his eyebrows. "I really didn't mean to get that drunk last night," he said apologetically.

I shook my head. "No, its not that," I said. "Why don't we go to your car."

I didn't want to break up with him with my sister possibly putting her ear to the door in the other room. She probably wasn't awake yet, but still. We walked down the street where he had parked his car the night before. Yesterday felt like a week ago with everything that had happened and all that I had been forced to think about.

Once we were in the car, we sat in silence for a while.

"I know I've been spending a lot of time at work," he said. "I'll-

I cut him off. I hated that he thought that this was something that he had done. "It's nothing that you're doing wrong."

"I know that look," he remarked. "It's the same look you had when we broke up right before we left before college."

"I'm sorry," I said, sincerely meaning it. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

He exhaled heavily. "You just have a lot going on. You're distracted."

"There's someone else," I blurted.

"Oh..."

I flinched at the sound of brutal realization hit his voice.

"It's fine. You made a mistake, we can work through it."

"I didn't cheat on you," I told him.

Was that true? Technically I hadn't kissed Tristan since that one (and only) time. But just by talking to Tristan, I still felt like there was some type of betrayal. At least I was doing the right thing now, right?

"You're just not in love with me," he concluded.

"I do love you," I said. "I'm just not in love with you. I'm sorry that I wasted your time and didn't realize it sooner."

He pressed his lips together and white-knuckled the steering wheel. He was taking this about as well as could be expected.

"It wasn't a waste of time," he said. "Any guy is lucky to be with you even if it's for a short while."

A pang hit my side. How could he be so nice right now? His sincere compassion was just making this harder.

"And any girl would be lucky to have you," I told him.

"Just not you," he quipped.

I cringed. "There's something wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you," he assured. "You can't force yourself to have feelings for someone. I can't claim to love you if I wanted you to keep lying to me and yourself."

"I just...can't stand to lose you again."

I couldn't believe I was asking. Here I was, dumping him, and simultaneously asking him to stay in my life. What the hell was I thinking?

"Are you really giving me the 'but I still wanna be friends' speech?" he asked, giving me a dry, humorless laugh.

I laughed back. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"I don't want you out of my life," he said. "But I need some time."

"Of course," I agreed. "I completely understand."

"Maybe...you should go now," he suggested.

I gave him one last regretful look. Last night everything seemed fine to him and now he was hit by a hangover and a break up at the same time. He needed to go sleep this off. I needed to sleep this off too.

"Okay," I said.

Before slipping out of the car, I gave his hand a squeeze. I felt the most imperceptible squeeze back.

Despite feeling like shit, I felt an enormous weight lift off my shoulders. 

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I know how much a lot of of you hated Chris, so are you glad he's gone? Haha. I hope you like it. Don't forget to vote/comment/message me!