We'll Always Have the Dickinson

Chapter Ten: Exposed

Josh and I's relationship didn't start off sexual. Sure, I was attracted to him, but I was never one to just grab the bull by the horns. I had never had sex with a man or went any further than kissing. Hell, I had only ever slept with two women my entire life.I also was married and I was afraid of what might happen if I ever crossed that bridge with Josh. Would it be worth it? I guess I was fine just being friends with Josh. I thought I could just admire from the distance. I mean sure we slept together in the platonic sense, but it was never anything past that. I guess Josh was just as afraid as I was to push it any further until one night. 

One evening, I went over to Josh's bar. He didn't know I was coming. I had been on a business trip for a few days and I flew back a day early. I didn't really want to go home because Roseanne was away at her mothers and I would be there all alone. I hated being home by myself, so I thought why not take the oppertunity to visit Josh. I was certain he was at work. 

When I got to Josh's bar it was around three am. He had just started closing up. I swung open the door, the bell chiming as soon as I did.

"Sorry buddy," I heard Josh call out from the back. "I'm closing. You should try one of the clubs."

I chuckled as Josh walked from out of the back, his eyes instantly lighting up at the sight of  mine. "Ethan – What are you doing here?"

Just as I was about to answer, another guy popped out from the back room, wrapping his arms around Josh's waist. A young tall attractive guy with skinny jeans and a crop top. His hair was short and a bright blonde. He had all sorts of piercings on his face and ears like he was part of some rock band or something.

I could feel my stomach twist in knots as the stranger's hand fell into Josh's back pocket. Were they together? Had he slept with him? Josh hadn't mentioned that he was seeing anyone. I immediately felt jealous and I knew I shouldn't because Josh and I were just friends. He had the freedom to sleep with whomever he wanted. I, on the other hand, did not. But a part of me, just thought maybe - just maybe he'd want to be with someone like me. But that was wishful thinking. 

"I – I was just visiting," I said at a loss of words all of a sudden. "I was bored and thought I'd stop by. But if you're busy – I can go. I'll just go. I just wanted to say hi."

"Ethan," Josh smirked walking over towards me, catching me in a hug. "You came all the way here. You have to at least come out with us for a drink. This is Ryan by the way."

Ryan gave me a grin as Josh forced me out with the both of them. We all ended up at a gay club a street over from Josh's bar. I was hesitant about going but Josh insisted and I never really was good at saying no to him. As soon as we walked inside of the bar, Ryan pulled Josh out on the dance floor. I ended up at the bar pathetically watching as Ryan grinded his body against Josh's.  He was all over him and clearly making a claim on him. I swallowed down a shot of tequila as Ryan pressed his lips against Josh's, whispering things in his ear. Josh just grinned that wide smile of his as Ryan's hands slid down towards his crotch.

I immediately glanced away, taking a deep breath. I didn't understand what Josh saw in him. He didn't look like Josh's type. But then again, I guess I didn't really knew what Josh's type was. 

I sighed thinking about how pathetic it was for me to want a guy I could never have. I'm a married man, sitting at a bar, watching a guy that I'm interested in get felt up by someone else. But I mean what did I think was going to happen with Josh and I? I never as much led him on. I never made a move besides telling him I was interested in him. But even then, I was drunk and he probably didn't think I meant it. I hadn't as much as flirted with him since.

We were friends. That's it. I had been friend zoned. Maybe he likes his guys young and energetic. He would never want some confused married guy who was a virgin to gay sex.