We'll Always Have the Dickinson

Chapter Four: Our Time Together

I placed the playbill back into the box, shoving it into my drawer. I didn't have the heart to get rid of the box. I wanted to. I really wanted to forget but I knew that deep in my heart I wouldn't forget Josh. He was a part of me that I wouldn't be able to forget like losing your virginity for the first time. I had fallen in love with him. Hell I was still in love with him.

"Dr. Clarke?" Joanne said knocking on my door. I glanced up at her quickly, giving her my full attention.

"Yes," I asked.

"Your patient is ready," Joanne replied. I nodded, standing up to take my appointment. It was hard to focus on work. I could barely concentrate on anything. Maybe this break-up was taking a greater toll on me on than I had thought. That or I was just getting old. During my lunch break, I returned to my office and sat down running my fingers along my back. There was a searing pain that was shooting through my back like no other. I popped open my drawer and swallowed down two Advil's without a second thought.

"Dr. Clarke? Are you ok?" Joanne asked her eyes on mine.

"I'm fine! I think I pulled something in my back," I retorted.

"Oh," she nodded. "I know how that feels. Hey – I uh haven't seen Josh here in a while."

"Ah he's been busy," I replied quickly not wanting to talk about him. I flipped through paperwork filling them out quickly. Joanne was still standing in my office. I had a feeling that she knew I was lying. She sighed, patting me on the back.

"Something happened between you and Josh, huh?" she asked raising an eyebrow. "You can tell me, Ethan."

"We're no longer friends," I retorted. "That's all I want to say. I ended things. It was getting too complicated."

"Of course," Joanne said. "Of course it's complicated. You're in love with one person but married to someone else. You're just like the characters from the soap opera."

I stopped Joanne right there. That's where I draw the line. This was my life. This isn't a soap opera. Real people were getting hurt here. I had to make the tough decisions. It was my family or Josh. Things would get messy if we divorced. I didn't want to see my kids every other weekend or go through the messy process of splitting our things up. I didn't want to put my wife or kids through that. I was married. There's no getting out of it. That's what I was trying to explain to Josh and now here I was giving the same speech over to Joanne.

"Can I be frank, Dr. Clarke?" Joanne asked her eyes focused on mine.

"Sure," I shrugged. "Please."

"That's complete bullshit," Joanne exclaimed hitting her hand against the table. "I'm sorry but it is. I'd do anything to find the love of my life – I'd give my soul to find that one person who understands me, loves me for who I am and doesn't care about my past. When you find love, you grab onto it. You don't push it away because you're afraid of the consequences. You keep it close to you. You're only going to hurt yourself in the end, Ethan."

"You sound like Josh," I retorted as I scrolled through my emails. "You've been hanging around him far too often."

"He's a smart man," Joanne replied folding her arms across her chest. "I would be happy to have a guy like him."

Having said that, Joanne walked out of my office, closing the door shut. I sighed. I had never seen Joanne so passionate about something. Josh has really had an effect on her. He had that kind of effect on everyone I guess. I mean he completely changed me. There were so many things I had never done or tried until Josh like camping. I had always wanted to go camping but I never gotten around to it. Josh and I were at the Dickinson one night, eating takeout when it came up.