Addicted [BoyxBoy]

As Time Goes By

"Hi, I'm Sara," she said in a sweet voice, hiding her face shyly. She was one of the cutest things ever.

"Murphy, I didn't know you had a sister," I said to him, still gazing at Sara and her shy smile.

He smiled and said, "Yeah, well Sara is a whole lot to talk about. She's a very demanding four-year-old." He poked her playfully and she giggled, her clear laugh ringing like a bell.

"Well," he looked at us and sighed, "What do you guys wanna do now that she's here?"

Bobby immediately said, "Let's go to a park."

One look at Bobby and I knew he was ten times more mesmerized by Sara than I was. It was likely because he hadn't seen her since she was a baby, so seeing her a little older may have triggered something. Or it could have been Sara's undeniable charm putting him under her adorable spell. Either way, his eyes were lit up in excitement.

Bobby didn't even give anyone enough time to answer. He simply grabbed Sara and headed out the door, cooing and giggling at her on the way. I could hear her little bell of a voice singing, "Yay! Yay! Park! Park! Park!"

Murphy looked at me, mirroring the dumbfounded look on my face. "Off to the park we go, then," he huffed.

At the park, Bobby was all about Sara. He didn't leave her side for anything, not even her desire to go on the jungle gym. He was right up there with her, not a care in the world. Meanwhile, Murphy and I simply sat on a bench, observing it all with quiet amazement.

Murphy decided to make his amazement verbal when he said, "Wow. Bobby is really attached to this kid. He wasn't that attached when she was a baby, I'll tell you that."

I sighed and thought back. He had said he wanted kids, and that being with me hindered the possibility. It kind of saddened me.

"He really likes kids. And he wants kids someday, so it makes sense that he's good with them."

Murphy nodded, and I had a feeling he could sense the dread in my voice. He spoke low, "And what do you want?"

I turned to face him, his bottle green eyes full of concern. He knew it was a sore topic, so he was treading lightly.

"I. . .want. . .I want Bobby to be happy. That's all that really matters," I spoke, hoping the hesitation wouldn't be interpreted the wrong way.

Murphy nodded, not looking to push me.

But he did, in a way.

I had taken that silence to think. About what I really wanted.

What I had said was true. I wanted Bobby to be happy above all else. But I was still human, and I had to take my wants into consideration, too. The only issue was that I didn't know what I wanted.

Did I want kids? I wasn't sure. I didn't want Bobby to be unhappy, but if we were to hypothetically stay together and adopt, I didn't want to find out that I really wasn't up to it. I was sure Bobby would be an amazing father, but I was more unsure of myself.

It was then I realized that Bobby was influencing my decision more than he should.

And I had to make it myself.

But what about Bobby?

*****

Before I knew it, it was October 1st. Bobby's birthday. And some unseen force was looking out for me by putting it on a Saturday.

I, of course, planned a surprise party.

To Bobby, it wasn't much of a surprise.

A few days before the party, I was setting up the date I'd be taking him on as a means for the party to happen.