Captive - FourTris

Twenty-Four

MARCH 10
6 MONTHS, 10 DAYS

It's late, but neither of us can sleep.

And so we're lying in bed, side by side, our fingers intertwined. It's cold in his new apartment, but neither of us are willing to slide from the warmth of the down comforter to turn on the heat, so we just burrow closer and tuck the blankets around us. The tip of the quilt is just short of my nose.

"Someday I'll have so much money I'll just leave the heat on all night, and you can climb out anytime you want and it'll be warm," he says.

I grin. "And will you do that in-floor heating thing? Where it makes the hardwoods warm on my bare feet?"

"Yep. And I'll buy you a big house, so big you can go to the other side if I'm getting on your nerves."

I push him playfully with my shoulder. I know he's joking. He's never on my nerves.

"And what about vacations? I want to go to Europe."

"Of course. We'll spend three months there and see every country. We'll go up the Eiffel Tower and drift on the canals in Venice. You won't want to come back."

I smile at the image. Someday that's really how life will be. We'll conquer all this stuff together, and we'll both forget about this tumultuous time.

It will be perfect.

"What do you love about me?" I ask.

Tonight I want to hear it. I'll savor this memory, hold it close to me, during all those other times when things are rocky.

"Everything," he says, turning to me. He kisses me on the nose. "Your smile. Do you know how rare it is to smile as much as you do? I'm not used to it. And your laugh. And the way you talk. You use your tongue a lot, you know. More than normal."

I laugh and push against him again with my shoulder, a playful nudge.

"And you're smart. I mean, you're going to go to college, right? I've never even planned on something like that, and you just know you'll do it."

I open my mouth to tell him that's not true, but I snap it shut again.

I forgot all the application deadlines, and I haven't told him yet. No, that's a lie. I didn't forget, per se. I was just too wrapped up in him to think about going away. Why bother applying when I couldn't even stand the thought of leaving him behind? I just figured I'd go to community college for a couple of years, then he could go with me when I moved to the university and we'd get an apartment instead of living in a dorm.

These days, even community college seems like too much. I don't want to think about it.

So I don't. Think about it, that is. I just put it out of my mind. I'd rather focus on what's in front of me: an intense, beautiful love. The thing I want more than anything. More than college.
I don't tell him any of this. It would ruin the moment.

"And the way you see people. People like me. You're not judgmental like so many others. You see the good in people and give them a chance. You believe in them. I think I like that the best."

I squeeze his hand. Sometimes, he can make me melt. "Do me," he says.

I grin and give him a wicked look.

"Not like that," he says. "I mean, tell me what you love."

"I know. I just thought something else might be more fun."

He laughs. I love it when he laughs.

"Okay, for real? I love that you're such a strong person. After everything, you're still here to tell about it and try to be a better person. I love how protective you are of the people you love. You'd do anything for them. I love how you always go after what you want. Whether it's skateboarding or basketball... or me."

He moves his arm and wraps it around his shoulders, and I turn toward him so my stomach is alongside his hips, and I sling my leg over him and rest my head on his chest until the warmth of his body seeps into mine.

This is what love is. And I don't think I can ever let it go.