Therapy Letters - Words that Heal

| Twenty-Nine |

Dear Mom,
The anger I have for you is so hard to define. Everything you said to me kills me inside. I wish you'd be more supportive but it's too late now. I'm ready to fling myself off a building any moment now. I wish I could tell you everything but you wouldn't have believed me. You would just say that I'm just stressed. And yes i am stressed. Stressed that after almost 10 years of me being depressed, you haven't noticed at all. Its just stress you say. WELL ITS NOT STRESS! ITS CALLED THE DESIRE TO KILL MYSELF EVERY WAKING SECOND!
I would say I love you but that be a lie and I know you never loved me. Because the way you treated me, no mother should treat their daughter that way. You call me things like stupid, ugly, moron and say that I am a disgrace to the family. Everything you said made my heart break a little. I wish I could just go right ahead and fall of the ledge. 

Dear Dad,
Stop screaming at me! I didn't do anything wrong I'm not stupid or a disappointment, I swear. I make mistakes, why is that so hard to explain! I'm scared of you, terrified every time you open your mouth because I am afraid you'll do something else that will scare me more. I'm not perfect, I never was. I'm not you. I'm not mom. I'm my own person. I'm allowed to make the same mistake more than once. I screw up sometimes. You can't just change me to fit your definition of perfect. And now it's too late, you can't fix whats already been broken. Now all I'm waiting for us to finally get the courage to jump.

Dear Elizabeth,
Everything you say to me makes me so angry. You say that it's my fault. That I'm not good enough. That mom and dad are right, that I am a disappointment. You say I'm not depressed or suicidal. That its all just in my head. I swear whenever I hear your voice, I start to go crazy. You control everything I do. Every bad choice. Every lie. Every cut on my arms and legs. Im powerless against you. Your my own personal bully. Before you showed up, I was doing just fine. All the 5 year olds loved me. Or at least I thought that, until you can marching in, putting thoughts in my head. They don't like you. They think your annoying, you would say. And you've done it for the last 10 years. And because of you, I now have no one. No one cares about me. Everyone always leaves me. Except you of course. If only I could kill you. But if I kill you, I would die too. For you are only the little voice inside my head. Your me. I wish I could kill myself. But you would probably make things even worse, wouldn't you?

-Anonymous