The Reason

Chapter Twelve

Angela naturally smiles, confident with her answer. "As I am, he is happy."

I don't know why, but her reply fills me with such relief. The last thing we need is for Rex's best friend to be less than impressed with our being back together. We face many more challenges in front of us and I fear the biggest one is going to be Rex's mother.

I hurt her son.

I broke his heart.

How does a mother forgive the woman who did that to her precious boy?

The worst part about it is, she will never know why I did what I did. She will never understand why. She can't ever be told. Never.

It's just not an option for her to be told. I know that Rex struggles with that. He stews over whether he should tell his mother the entire truth, but I have begged him not to. It's one thing to unburden myself to the man that I love, it's quite another to unburden myself to the woman who loves him just as much as I do. From the little bits of information that Rex has already shared with me, it would seem that his poor mum has already been through quite enough, with her husband at the helm of their doomed marriage. I only met Elizabeth Ford just the once, but I know she is a lady with strong integrity and impeccable pride. To discover that your husband had been paying countless prostitutes during the course of your outwardly strong marriage, has got to feel like the cruellest thing a husband can do to you. Which is why I can't allow Rex to tell his mother the truth. She would look at me like I was one of those prostitutes. Look at me like I am one of those women who brought shame and humiliation into her ordinary, yet proud-worthy, life. That shame and humiliation is something I used to see in my very own reflection, and it's not something I want to be faced with ever again. I have had to move on with my life, and so must Rex and Elizabeth Ford. Knowing the truth about me and her now ex-husband, the father of the man that we both absolutely adore, would only peel back the scab of a never-healing hurt.

All of my worrisome thoughts are soon placed on silent pause by the sound of Angela's caring voice. "What's wrong, Angel?"

Blinking rapidly, she comes back into focus. "Oh, I'm just thinking about how Rex's mum will take the news." My admission is accompanied with a deeply pulled frown. I am only admitting the partial truth to Angela, but it's still nice to say that partial truth out loud.

Nodding with an expression of comforting understanding, Angela thoughtfully replies. "If she loves Rex, she will let him be happy with the person who makes him happy." Giving a confident little half-shrug, she then smiles slightly. "Of course, she'll more than likely be a little wary of you at first. But I'm sure over time, that will pass. If you show her how good you are together, she will eventually forget all that's happened in the past with you two. As his mother, she will know if Rex is genuinely happy with you being in his life. Once she sees that for herself, you will have her full blessing, I am sure of it."

Angela's faith in her own words, has me clinging to that confident faith. "I hope you're right." I anxiously say, standing with one arm holding the other at the elbow. Nerves swim around inside of me. At some point soon, I am going to be meeting Elizabeth Ford again. At some point soon, I am going to be face to face with the woman whose son I once unbelievably hurt. Face to face with the woman whom I unknowingly once betrayed. The only comfort I get from that, is knowing that she'll not ever know the truth about me and her ex-husband. She'll not ever know the real reason why I left her son.

It has been agreed on. Rex has promised that he'll never tell her why, and I believe him. I know he would prefer to, but he is being respectful of my wishes. After making love and getting just a little sleep, we spoke about it until the morning light came. We talked about it until it finally made sense. Rex himself knows that the truth would be far better off, forever buried. He himself knows that the truth being given to his dear mum, would cause much more harm than good. To give us a chance. For his mother to truly give us a chance. She can't ever know. The truth is something that only we need to move on from. Having another person needing to move on from it as well, would only hold us back. It would mean having another person reminding us of something that we have decided to try and forget. In order to make us work, Rex and I are now unified in our decision to focus only on our future. If his mother knew what really happened, she might affect that unity, she might affect our future. The two of us don't want that to happen. We can't let that happen. No, the truth has to remain buried. It's the only way that we can survive.

The partial truth, will once again have to be used to cover up the ugliest of lies. Rex has decided to tell his mum that the reason for my leaving was on account of losing my parents. He is going to use some of the truth, wrap it up with some regurgitated lies and feed them to his mother. In actual fact, I will more than likely be portrayed as someone who grew up never really dealing with any of my grief. That my grief, somehow damaged my ability to be with anybody. Again, it's the partial truth being totally taken advantage of. It's not exactly ideal, I know. But Elizabeth Ford will need to be told something. And it needs to be something plausible and real. The reason why I left Rex all those years ago, needs to be convincing. She has to believe us.

Yes, I feel guilty.

Yes, I feel terrible.

But it's necessary.

"So, when are you seeing him again?" Angela, once again saves me from my anxious thoughts. Her blue eyes rest on me with bright hope shining excitedly within them.

I scowl. Not a perplexed scowl. It's more a deep and thoughtful scowl. Rex said he would call me when he left at an ridiculous hour this morning. I remember him looking exhausted yet completely happy as he quickly dressed for work. I also remember smiling to myself as I lazily stretched out and yawned in my nice and warm bed that he had just got out of, thinking just how sexily tired he looked. I would love to be able to see Rex every single day if I could, but know that's not geographically possible. He is where he is, I am where I am. Between our work and the distance, seeing each other daily, just isn't going to happen. That kind of makes me sad. Rex has filled the emptiness that once existed inside of me. Knowing that he loves me, has completely filled the vacuous void that I once knew so well. He has filled it with passionate promise and a felicity of love. Having those wonderful things now inside of me, makes me miss him whenever he's not around.

I miss how secure I feel in his presence.

I miss his smile.

I miss how his eyes light up when he's not seen me in a while. Nothing gives me more pleasure than knowing I am the one who is putting that smile and that look there. But having that joy being given to you by such a beautiful person, makes you miss that beautiful person whenever they are not around. Knowing such joy, only makes it harder when it is gone. And I hate Rex being gone. So when Angela asks such a simple question, it almost hurts. "I'm not sure." I eventually say, lost in amongst my painful missing of Rex.

A warm arm sweeps around my slumped shoulder. "Come on! Your pining calls for a hip-hating calorific hot chocolate." Angela is guiding me out of the room with a wry smile. "I might even throw in some choccy digestives."

Tilting my head on her shoulder, I laugh. "My waist and thighs might not be thankful, but I really am."

"Don't worry. I think your waist and thighs will be getting plenty of exercise from now on. Enough to work off a hot chocolate and a couple of biccies!" Angela's reply is loaded with playful innuendo, her eyes bright and wide with the very same naughty innuendo.

Bowing my head with cheeks flushing a shy shade of red, I smirk along with my reply. "I can't deny, I'm rather looking forward to my new exercise regime."

With that, Angela bursts out laughing. "I bet you are!" She says loudly, holding onto me even tighter. "I really am happy for the two of you, Angel." Her laughter has subsided, but her happiness hasn't.

With an emanating smile, I graciously thank her. "I'm so pleased you are, thank you."

Returning my smile and her footsteps getting bouncier by the second, Angela replies. "Let's celebrate with marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles."

Nodding with my own steps getting just as bouncy, we both walk towards the museum restaurant with a joyous spring in our feet.

I'm happy because Angela and Aidan are happy.

I'm happy because Rex is happy.

I'm happy because I'm happy.

I'm just....happy.

**ARE YOU LOVELIES HAPPY WITH THE STORY SO FAR? XXXXX