Hold me tonight(currently editing)

chapter 8: Made From Broken Parts

*so heres chapter 8*

I feel like I have to face my brother sooner or later but I am taking matt's advice to talk to Austin carlile.... its 4am and I cant fucking sleep.... go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror evaluating every single one of my flaws. I glide my razorblade across my right arm.... I keep telling myself just cut once, but I know well in my mind that I cant stop at just one. even though I am meeting up with Austin. its gonna take a long time for me to recover from this whole situation.

(Bz..Bz..Bzzz.)  Karla looks at her phone and sees who texted her. jorel: hey how've you been? me: couldn't sleep either?, jorel: nah. but since you wont answer your own brothers texts id be hoping you'd still talk to me. me: well im taking matts advice to talk to Austin, im going to try to get some sleep, night j. jorel: night kiddo :). time to try to get some sleep. I fall asleep with my headphones playing my music. this will be the only way that'll help me sleep at night. as im just about to fall asleep my phone lights up and a facebook message appears. Alexa: your gonna regret what you did to me you fucking bitch, your ass is going to get dropkicked. Me: you know what you got what you deserved, don't make me kick your sorry ass again, and you come anywhere near me or lay so much a hand on me ill fucking put you in your place.  Alexa: well see about that. great, fuck my life like I was told don't stoop to her level.

*Next Day*

since today is a half day at school I decided to stay home and asked Austin to meet me for some coffee. my parents didn't say much of it. so I decided to sleep in. I get showered and ready to meet Austin. finally going to explain my whole story. i put my grey Neff beanie, my purple converse, black skinny jeans, white tanktop and my grey vans hoodie and head out the door.  I know that I would never sit down and talk to someone about my problems... I was never one for therapy and I told my parents to stop trying to help me, I felt that anger management would be enough for me. but now I have the guts to sit down and talk to someone I truly trust.... if I ever talked to my parents about me cutting or drinking, they would get me help right away and ill just fucking loose it.  karla decides to send danny a text. me: hey bro can I see you later tonight? Danny: yeah of course the guys are coming over tonight too so we all can sit and talk. me: fine then ill see you later... love you bro. Danny: love you too sis.

 karla heads out the door and heads to starbucks to meet Austin. hes already there. " im going to go get some coffee I be with you in second." karla says "ok then" Austin replies. karla orders her coffee. "one vente java chip frappe with a triple shot of espresso." karla receives her coffee and sits down. "so karla how've you been I haven't seen you in a while." karla tries to find the words to speak. "uh... ive been good for a while haven't talked to any one lately since they all found out about the bullying im going through and the cutting issue. well I talked to Matt and jorel last night. and im meeting my brother and the rest of the guys tonight." says karla. "I think its good that you finally want to sit down and talk to them about it. and I appreciate that you wanted to see me and talk about it. and karla you shouldn't have been harming yourself in any way you don't deserve it. just one question. why have you been doing this to yourself?" damn. " its not just because of the bullying, ive always looked at myself in the worst ways. I would look in the mirror and tell myself im fat, im not pretty, im worthless. so I would grab a blade and take it out on myself, and ever since my brother and the guys found out ive been treating the situation lightly. I just brushed it off and not cared what would happen to me. I sometimes think that taking my own life would be an option, that the world would be better off without me. i wouldn't want to put my own family in pain especially my brother in that kind of pain. even though my parents are busy they would regret not paying attention to me. im no saying that to seek attention. i just feel i don't belong on earth."  Austin grabs karlas hand. "karla you don't deserve any of this. you deserve to be happy. and you are not worthless. when you go home look at yourself in the mirror again a re-evaluate yourself in a better way, don't put yourself down. and don't cut yourself." Austin looks upset. but hes right i don't deserve to be in any kind of pain. i feel selfish for ever trying to end my life. but it will be hard to promise anyone to not cut myself. "im not making any promises but ill try to stop. if i make a straight promise, ill just end up breaking it." Austin smiles. "i understand. baby steps." karla and Austin hug. "thanks Austin I really appreciate this, ill see you later, I have talk to my brother about this situation. you've been a big help. we should hang out more." Austin smiles. "we should. ill see you later love." karla heads home and relaxes for a while until she goes to danny's. 

*few hours later*

I walk to danny's place because I don't want to put up with my parents usual bullshit. it sounds like I hate them (which I really fucking do) now its time to face everyone. I know it sounds petty and dramatic. but Im going have to clear the air on this and we all can put it behind us.  danny is going to suggest for me to get some kind of help.

karla knocks on danny's door. its danny that opens the door. "hey long time no see? I guess" karla stands awkwardly. "yeah I guess so, come in we just made dinner the rest of the band will be here soon." karla steps in and greets Theresa with a tight hug. "karla can I talk to you?" asked Theresa. "yeah no problem." karla replied. " its a good thing that you are finally talking to all of us about what you're going through, we all want to help you, we love you." Theresa gives karla a hug and tears well up in her eyes. "sweetie are you crying?" karla tries to hold back but its too late the emotions start to spill out. "yes I am crying, and I hate it, I hate crying..." karla says. "its ok you can cry all you want you're brother and I are both here for you and the rest of the guys, also Vanessa, Randi and Asia. you'll be ok." Theresa starts crying now. karla eats dinner and the guys come in. "hey karla." jorel walks in. karla gives him the biggest hug. "im sorry. im so sorry for not telling any of you guys." karla cries and gives everybody else hugs. "danny im sorry for the way I am, im the worst sister and daughter anyone could ever have in their life." danny hugs karla and starts crying. "hey no you're not, don't ever put yourself down like that. you don't deserve to be in pain." George says. " I blame myself for not telling you guys especially since ive been dealing with cutting since I was 12. ive been an asshole to my parents. they bitch at me about my behavior. and you know what I told them? I told them that they listen to danny better than me." karla says. "yes karla they did go easier on me, but i still go into some trouble from time to time as a kid." danny says. "were here for you, no matter what. every kid has their issues. but don't take it out on yourself. talk to us." said Jordon. " i honestly don't know how ill ever have another boyfriend if the possibility comes to the point where he takes advantage of me and kicks me to the curb." karla cries. "well what caleb did to you was awful i never liked that kid when you guys were dating. you should have told me and i would have beat the crap out of him for hurting you, danny says"well i was 14 and i was blindsided by love and didn't tell anyone and i fucking regret it." karlas makeup is completely smeared but she doesn't care, she just wants people to listen to her. she atleast realizes that people do care about her and love her.

*end of chapter 8*

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much love <3