Hold me tonight(currently editing)

chapter 7: Hear Me Now

so heres chapter 7

 * One Month later*

its been a month since jorel found out about me self harming..... ive been attending anger management classes since the fight ive had with Alexa. whenever she is in sight of me she gets scared.... well I set her straight but that doesn't make much of a difference with the whole bullying situation. I still get dirty looks and called names on an often basis.... Danny did find out but I haven't talked to him or replied to any of his texts.... matt even texted me to get in touch with Austin carlile since they're really good friends and ive been close with Austin also..... the guys at least need someone for me to talk to.... I haven't even talked to jorel and I cant face even face my own brother. he must be so disappointed in me for not telling him sooner.... well five years is a lot (well no fucking duh its a lot but still) Ive been bypassing everyone since... my parents aren't really aware of the situation they've been busy with work.... what's the point they listen to Danny better than me...

my alarm goes off. "ugh... well gotta wake up." I get up take my shower... get dressed, do my hair and makeup...pop a diet pill and head downstairs... ugh I feel disgusting. "morning mom" she doesn't look too happy..."morning karla" she says in a grouchy tone.... "ok then geeze lay off the grouchy tone" karla mumbles. guess shes still mad about me telling her to fuck off.... that was a month ago for Christ sake.... im not apologizing for defending myself. karlas dad comes down... "morning dad." karla says. "morning" he also says in a grouchy tone. karla finally breaks the silence. "alright whats with the grouchy attitude twards me a simple good morning with out the grouch would suffice???" "excuse me young lady?!" my dad yelled. ah shit they're pissed. "were both mad at you due to you're bad behavior... its unacceptable." my mom yelled. "you know what FUCK YOU BOTH!!! im tired of this I haven't done anything in the past month... you want me to apologize about me telling you to fuck off... well.... REALITY CHECK! that was a month ago so LET-IT-GO!!!!! you two need to stop holding grudges. now if you'll excuse me im going to school. because I don't neet to be yelled at right now!" I decide to get on the bus.. im too fucking tired to walk.... im too pissed to deal with anybody. I turn off my phone for the day, I don't want to hear it from my brother and the rest of the band members. I get a paper ball thrown at me and I run to the back of the bus and I put pierce the veil Hell Above on full blast. like I said I don't need to deal with anyone... im fucking done with everything.

I just want to sleep... just because the guys have found out that ive been cutting myself doesn't mean im still not doing it.. ive mostly been clean from my wrists but not my stomach or thighs. Danny is still telling me to get help... but no one around me is not understanding that I just need to be left alone. after the day I had that talk with jorel I haven't been taking my meds.... ive been depressed and nervous for the past month. I didn't even want to go into my medicine cabinet. im suicidal enough... ive been getting into my alcohol stash in my closet and ive been drowning my emotions out for the past few weeks... my anger management teacher was wondering why it reeked of weed in her class. after everything that has happened ive been picking up on smoking pot lately... I did it when I was younger but not as much... I go into the woods of the park nearby and get high there. my parents are usually out so I have a lower chance of getting in trouble with it. i usually keep my stash of alcohol and pot hidden in a averaged sized locked box in the back of my closet. 

im finally snapped out of thought and get off of the bus. school usually feels like forever. i go to my locker and grab the books i need for my class. i doodle in my notebook as my nutrition teacher rambled on and on about some stupid project coming up. i decided to spend my lunch period in the music room. karla usually brings her guitar into school but forgot it today. so she plays on the guitar on the stand in the music room. karla heads to her locker and its covered in sharpie wirth words like "PHSYCOSLUT" "WHORE" . "awh fuck realy?!" the egocentric jocks walk by and laugh. "hey karla like what i wrote on your locker?" caleb said. "you are the most retarted person ive ever met caleb i wish i had never dated you!" karla yelled. "well have fun getting that sharpie off of your locker."  he pushes karla into the locker. "you ever put your grimy hands on me again i will kick the crap out of you even worse than i did to alexa!"

wow who knew the guy who took advantage of me would do something like this its no surprise. caleb treated me awful when i dated him in middle school. but i was blinded by love. i regret ever meeting that scum sucking dirtbag of a person. hes one of the many reasons i hate myself and not trusting guys. my day comes to and end and i head home and crash out. only two more months away until Hollywood Undeads summer anthem tour. eventually i am going to have to face my brother about this sooner or later.

that's chapter 7 comment, vote, follow, tell me what you thimk, i tried my hardest. <3 <3