Hold me tonight(currently editing)

Chapter 12: Ill Be There

hey everyone im up to over 3K reads! thank you sooo much for the support on this fan fiction. the plus side I have much more time to update everything so ill keep you all posted! much love everyone /~<3~/. and now chapter 12!

trying to fall asleep is becoming pretty hard now. I feel guilty for what I did to myself in the bathroom a couple of hours ago. its after  11 and who knows where the fuck we are on the road at this point. the guys are still blaring the XBOX in the back lounge having a good time but im not gonna complain. well since I cant sleep might as well go sit in the front of the bus and grab a coke from the fridge. looking out the window looking out in the middle of scenic nowhere looking at some shooting stars pass by, at least this gives me a sense of peace and control for a bit.

*buzz.. Buzz..Buzz* text from Craig Mabbitt <3. "hey Karla. Me: hey Craig whats up? Craig: couldn't sleep its a pretty long ride tonight. Me: yeah I couldn't sleep at all... but its alright though. Craig: you ok karla? Me: yeah im doing fine why do you ask? Craig: well when you text you do the three dots in a row after every sentence and that usually says something is wrong. Me: im fine... don't worry that's usually my thing when I text anyways. Craig: your doing the dots again somethings wrong. Me: dont worry... please im just not in a good mind set right now. Craig: ill talk to you tomorrow, night love. Me: night Craig."
I could have told craig what was wrong but Its not like I didn't want to tell him I just couldn't. I feel like shit as it is im not gonna risk stressing it on the people in my life. I need to take my Prozac so I head to the back lounge for danny to give one to me.
"hey danny can you give me my Prozac I need to take one." danny goes to get my meds. "here karla." danny hands me a pill, I grab my coke and take it. "thanks bro" I go to sit back down at the table by myself. "you wanna come chill with us in the back lounge? we can kick eachothers asses in call of duty..." danny said. "no thanks but thanks for the offer.."  danny sits across from me with a worried look on his face. "karla you know I love you. we all do. you know if you need anyone to talk to you have the band and I and everyone else on tour you know that." well gotta keep the water works from happening.

"look, danny I know that I have everyone around me to talk to but you know better than anyone else that it isn't easy for me. yeah ive gotten in trouble to the point where my anger gets to the point of self destruction or to the point where I wind up getting into a fight and getting kicked out of school. yes im shutting everyone out, yes ive put myself in harms way more times than I should have. I love you too you are my brother you've helped me with a lot. I regret a lot of things ive done. i should have told you about what Caleb did to me when we were younger, i should have gone to you about being suicidal but its not that i didn't want to its the fact that i couldn't come out with what i was dealing with. ive been through hell and back for years. i don't even remember the last time i was ever genuinely happy. mom and dad went easier on you than they have with me for some odd reason. its like cant even be trusted to leave the house without coming back in cuffs or stoned out of my mind. its like they both  hated me since i started middle school." 

danny looks at me with hurt in his eyes. "mom and dad don't hate you they just don't understand you. plus half of the time i always helped your get your ass out of trouble. yes they did go easy on me cuz my time in high school was in a more easier time frame because social media didn't exist then. now a days i see online that kids can be pretty fucking cruel to each other." i sip my coke in silence. i get up and give danny a big hug. "i love you danny. im glad to have a big brother like you." danny holds me tight " i love you too sis." ouch fresh cuts on my sides. ill just tough it out. danny heads to the back lounge as George is coming out to grab a couple of beers for some of the guys. "i didn't mean to eavesdrop but danny is right you know. we all love you regardless of what you've done. it doesn't make you any less of a human being." George explained. "i understand." i retort back. before George walks to the back lounge he had be an an ass " oh and text the Craigster i said hi. hes such a cutie." he says in a girly voice. i grabbed whatever was in my reach and chucked it a George but he ducks. "night jerk off 3 tears!" he walks into the back lounge. i might as well head to bed.

*next morning in phoenix* i wake up in my bunk feeling like crap. i decide to get up and hop in the shower. the hot water catches me off guard for a second from my fresh cuts. i hear a knock on the door. for someone to use the bathroom. "hurry up karlita i gotta fuckin pee." Dylan yells through the door. "just come in and piss you wont see me." Dylan makes it quick. i get out of the shower and dry myself off. i blow dry my burgundy red hair. decided to dye it before the tour, i needed something new. so i get dressed in my black skinny jeans, a black half sleeve shirt with my favorite cut off jean jacket, my black Neff beanie, some thick rubber band bracelets, and my black converse. i decided to throw on some makeup while i was at it and did my usual thick black winged eyeliner. i actually feel good about myself for once. breakfast was made and i might as well have some.

we get to the venue and discuss how the day is gonna be mapped out. so we have enough time until our interview with bryan stars. and its gonna be with hollwood undead and at least one member from each one of the other bands on tour in the interview. everyone decided to go out for a bit before the interview and i decided to stay on the bus and have some time to myself for a little while until everyone got back.

*interview time*
so i decided to watch the interview behind the camera with johnnie recording the whole thing. "hey everyone this is bryan stars on the Hollywood undead summer anthem tour can you guys introduce yourselves?" after the introductions whoever got the mic discussed the upcoming events for the tour. what cities they will be heading to what albums will be announced or what new songs will be played live as a teaser for an upcoming album. as im sitting next to johnnie i get brief glimpses from jorel which is pretty awkward  but adorable. and i get a few glances from craig who is siting right behind him.

my heart feels like its gonna sink. i step outside for couple of cigarettes and i start to break into tears. surprisingly my makeup doesn't smear. well that's what i get for having good quality makeup. about an hour passes by and the interview is done. i wipe my tears and the guys get ready for the show. craig comes up to me and noticed from when i walked out i was a bit off. he pulls me into a hug and i break into tears from all of the stress and anxiety i was under. i didn't have to explain to him what was wrong because it was bad enough that i was crying. craig wipes away my tears and kisses me on the forehead. "shhh sweetie its ok, im here. just let it out. " i hold craig tighter i never want to let him go, i continue sobbing. im slowly breaking inside. i just wanted to lie down and die. i just want someone to understand the pain im in. i finally let go and we all head to the venue to get ready for the show. 

*show time*

each band plays their set and we all have a kickass time. even though i had that brief breakdown and craig calmed me down. tonight's show is going great, i especially loved of mice and mens set the most. dont get me wrong ETF and Hollywood undead's and BMTH's set was killer but OM&M was my favorite by far. i decided to grab some pizza a pepsi and continue to enjoy the show. on the plus side i have been eating better. i only have the bottle of diet pills to stash my razors. but besides the point. after i decided to go back on the tour bus and all of the other bands were signing autographs and hanging out with the fans. i decided to sit in the back lounge on the verge of dozing off the guys loudly get on the bus and escape the fate decided to chill on the bus for a bit too, our next stop was somewhere in Tuscan AZ. the guys being loud as usual, but im used to it. Jorel comes into the back lounge and its pretty awkward if you ask me. 

as he comes in thrasher, TJ and Matt walk in. matt walks by me and gives me a stupid look cuz he loves to hold craig over my head. well everyone knows i like him at this point, and i can see how jorel feels about it... but at this point i know who i have feelings for and its craig. lets see how this tour goes...

*end of chapter 12*

thanks for all of the reads and comments i really appreciate it. ill be back to update soon. ill probably be starting a new story sometime soon. Comment, vote, follow. thank you all for the support. much love /~<3~/