Flowers for Lillian

A Note to My Pre-Transition Self

Hey Lilly.

I know, you hate that nickname but you'll become used to it over the years. Life gets easier over the years.

I know you feel trapped in your own body, I know that you feel wrong, like a monster or abomination. You're not. YOU ARE VALID. You are Transgender. You are beautiful and gorgeous.

I'm sorry that your parents are never going to accept you, but on the bright side Blue will always be there once he can fully comprehend the world for himself. Simon is always there, through thick and thin. He tries to protect you from those bullies and he tries to keep you happy, but not without happiness and protection from you in return. He doesn't expect it, but its there. That sibling-like relationship that you two share is amazing and so strong that it seems like almost nothing can break it; and as far as I know, it doesn't, and it doesn't look like it ever will. Your friends stick with you the entire way, every single one. Friends aren't the dumbasses that thought it was funny to pick on the one kid who knew who they were. Friends are the people who bought you pretty dresses and learned how to braid to fancy your hair like you were a princess.

Once you transition it's like waking up from a dream (You'll know someone who actually does eventually). Things happen that are considered not as great, but to us, it's a miracle. No problems with periods or needing to shave, you loose the hair on top but wigs are so much easier to take care of.

We have the greatest hourglass/pear body in the world. We are gorgeous and amazing and despite what others say, we are not a slut. We are not a whore either. We are proud of our body. Maybe a little too much, but that's okay, we have a reason to finally love our body and ourselves for who we are and there is no stopping that. We do not need to be fit to be beautiful, we do not need so much makeup til the point where we suffocate, but we do it anyways.

Being called Lillian is new at first but it becomes a word you learn to love in almost under a year. It takes time for the pronouns, you can't blame them because at least they're trying, it takes a while longer than "Lillian" but it feels so right once it sticks. Those people who accept you for who you are, are the best people in your life.

It takes time for everything to turn out alright, but it is worth it in the end and the end is amazing.

-From a Happier and Prouder You.