Dead Inside

Chapter 5

The water helped a little. Still she felt like she was suffocating. "Why would you do this?" her mom asked, still sobbing. There was terror in her mom's eyes. Sam hugged her and her mom wouldn't let go. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry." "I thought I lost you forever," her mom said. She started violently shaking, and tears rolled down her face, "I'm right here, mommy." She felt like a little child but she was so broken. She was never going to do this again.

"I'm calling 911," her mom said, and she started to get up. "Wait! No! Don't!" Sam screamed, with a voice she didn't know she had the strength for. She continued to shake, until her teeth chattered and her whole body jittered. "Mom, please...." She added. "Sweetheart look in the mirror," her mom countered. The reflective surface showed a girl with a bruised neck. It was all shades of blue, and black and yellow. The blood from her coughs ran down her chin. Wow.

She shook her head. "I'm not going to the hospital. Their always mean to me there. Besides there's no way I want to have a conversation with the police. I know it seems stupid, but please don't make me." Her mom sighed, "Fine but I'm getting you an ice pack and some medicine. After that you're going to eat dinner, whether you want to or not. You going to take a warm bath. Also I'm going to pay for you to have a therapist. Drink all the water, and I hope you don't think I'm done hugging you." With that she closed the door.

They didn't have money for a therapist, and she didn't want to talk to a complete stranger about her problems. She was still shaking, and her whole body was in pain. The cold sweat she was experiencing left her hair damp. She glared at the noose. Anger boiled through her. Stumbling forward she yanked the rope down so hard that her light fixture came loose. It didn't fall, but it was still enough to scare the shit out of her. Mad at the world she picked up her bookbag and she flung it at the wall. She wanted to scream, but she didn't have the voice. She did as her mother told her and drank her water. She rocked herself back and forth as the events of what had happened played in her mind.

Her mother didn't take too long to come back in. She was holding an ice pack and several containers of medicine. She put the ice pack on her bruised neck, and on her pounding chest. Her eyes fluttered closed. It felt heavenly. "Take these," her mom said. She swallowed two anti-depressants, followed by a pain killer. Her mom wrapped her arms around her once more. "Why would you do that? I mean I knew your condition was bad but I thought it was just anxiety, depression, and mild suicidal thoughts. I didn't know you have suicidal actions."

"Mom this isn't the first time," Sam says. "What?" she asks. "My lifes not too great ok? I've tried this before. I've never went this far, but I was really going to do it this time. I guess maybe there was a reason you came though that door, maybe I'm ment to live." Her mom says, "Of course we're all ment to live, sweetie. If you just wait a little longer something good will happen. Something that makes life worth living."

"You can't do this to me ok?" Her mom said, "Don't leave me again, I need you." She could see the pain in her mom's eyes. She could tell that she was trying to keep it together, for her. "Mom it's not that easy. I can't just promise you to stay alive, just so I can break that promise, but I'll try. As it stands I never want to do that again." "You're so special," her mother said, "In my eyes your the most special girl in the world." "Ok," Sam muttered, "Ok." she didn't believe her. She was nothing special, but that was ok.

Her mom hugged her for a while and they both cried. It was a weird thing to do really, but it was what they both needed. Her mom continued to tell her encouraging things, most of which she ignored all together. After what seemed like a long time Sam stood up. "I'm going to make dinner, what would you like?" her mom asked. "Oh nothing. I'm not hungry," she said.

A/N: I appreciate every vote/comment/read. -Love you guys-