Hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili ko. I just mentioned that they can talk freely in front of me. But deep inside I know that it's not okay. After all, she's his ex girlfriend. And to top it all, she is desperate for his attention.
Should I ask him about that matter or should I just wait for his confession?
"Kelly?" Tinanggal ko ang unan na nakatabon sa mukha ko at lumingon kay Mayka. Nagtaka ako nang mapansin ang mukha niyang puno ng pag-alala. Pati si Jazz ay sa akin rin nakatuon ang pansin.
"Bakit?" tanong ko at bumangon.
They both exchanged gazes, eyes full of worry. Ano bang nangyari? Why aren't they telling me anything? They only gave me a look of hesitant.
"Anong nangyari?" I asked impatiently.
"Why are you acting like that?" Jazz asked, her voice small and gentle. Kumunot ang noo ko. Anong ibig niyang sabihin? Hindi naman ako nagsasalita ah?
"Acting like what?"
Tumayo si Mayka mula sa sofa at dahan-dahan na naglakad papunta sa akin. Umupo siya sa harap ko at marahang hinawakan ang aking kamay.
"What happened?" Natigilan ako sa tanong niya, lalo na't makita ang balisa niyang mukha. Umupo rin si Jazz sa tabi ko habang hinahagod ang likod ko. "Why are you crying?"
Crying? Umiiyak ako?
I touched my cheek with my free hand and noticed that it is wet. I'm crying. I don't know when or how long I have been crying but after seeing my face using the lens of my phone, my eyes really are puffy. A proof that I've been crying for a while.
Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha ko. Nagsimula akong humagulgol. I cried openly in front of the two. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako umiiyak, at kung bakit ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.
Nasasaktan ako sa hindi malamang dahilan. I don't know why I'm in pain, I don't know why I feel betrayed, I don't know why it hurts. All I need is comfort, and I am so thankful that these two are with me right now.
Mayka held my head and buried it on her shoulders while Jazz continued rubbing my back softly. I want it to go, this unwelcome feeling, this throbbing pain, this random suffering. I want to be at ease. I want to be free from these unknown sentiment.
"Shh..." Mayka shushed as she pats my head lightly. I cried harder because of their soft solace. Mabuti na lang at nandito ang dalawa kong kaibigan at handa silang saluin ang mga luha ko. They are what I need right now. Someone to be with, someone who can listen to my agony, someone who can hug me.
"You can tell us later." Sabi ni Jazz. "Iiyak mo muna yan."
But I can't. I need to burst this big bubble inside me that fills the unhappy part of my heart. Gusto kong ilabas ang sama ng loob ko kahit na hindi ko alam kung saan galing.
"H-He lied..." I sobbed. I don't know why this little matter hurts me a lot. I don't know why I'm suffering so much. I don't know where this wretched sensation came from. Bakit ang OA ko? Maliit na bagay lang naman yun.
"Hanz lied to me..." I whimpered. They didn't answer. They both know how I despise liars. Nagsimula ito nung Jeff-Mayka incident, nung tinago ni Mayka ang palihim na pagkikita nila ni Jeff last year. I was really disappointed at her for keeping secrets. Doon ko nalaman na ayaw kong nagsisinungaling ang isang tao sa akin, lalo na't pinagkakatiwalaan ko ito.
But rather than disappointed, I feel helpless.
Why am I miserable? Is it because of the fact that he lied to me, or the fact that he talked to his ex girlfriend? If it's the latter, then I don't know anymore.
39: LOVER'S QUARREL
Start from the beginning
