Journey Back From Anorexia

Dear Finn

Dear Finn

  Do you remember me?, I am sure you do. How could you ever forget a girl like me?, a girl that was so skilled at the art of secrecy yet one day all her tricks were revealed, in an instant to eyes that were never meant to see. I will never forget how you would constantly pester me with this particular question 'Why do you like baggy clothes so much?'' , so many answers could have been given such as 'they are my shield', or 'they are my cloak to blend in', but what would have been more important to add 'they help me hide my true self from you'.  was correct in my fears, and in my determination to hide myself from you, and although this worked for a while,  a day came when you decided we should go to the lake almost outside town..remember the one?, of course you remember the lake, I recite this story as though you were not there, as though you didn't perform actions that tore everything inside me. Anyway you took me there because you knew how I wouldn't shut up about Life in water bodies. But now I wish I had.

   We sat on the deck, our legs dangling and lightly touching the surface of the water, grazing it as though to tease the water, little did I know it would tease me back. Everything was going fine, until you decided to push me in, I heard your laugh and I would have laughed too, declared a war and dragged you in with me, but as I rose from the shallow water, my baggy dress,  yellow to  compliment the summer sun  became soaked through and  clung tight to my skin and revealed....everything.

  You saw all I  had been hiding, every crevice, every curve- or lack thereof was before you  and your eyes, the way they looked at me. I saw the shock in them and the confusion. And then you did the thing that spiralled all my madness more out of control.

  You left.