new arrival

harming myself to get away from here

OK WARNING IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY SELF HARM PLEASE DO NOT READ

My alarm was ringing hurting my ears and waking me up with a shock. I groan at the thought of another dull day at hell or school. I quickly get out of bed and get washed and changed and join daddy in the kitchen.

" good morning Princess." John said smiling at his daughter and passing her some pancakes and  glass of water.

" Morning daddy." she replied tucking into her breakfast

" Daddy"

" yeah "

" where did Alf go?. He seemed to just turn up and then dissapear again.."

" sweetie he did what he always does turn up and go again. Honey you never depend on Alf"

" its sad that he does not stick around but its his loss right  he is missing out on you"

" yeah but we are all happy without him "

" well i dont think Mimi is ever Happy" India says while laughing

" nah Mimi dont do happy"

Im now in school and im never happy here see i keep alot of things secret. Like the fact im still getting bullied. Daddy thinks it ended ages ago you remember when i was getting bullied and got bullied into stealing something of daddies to give to the bullies and i stole a tape which was daddies unfinished songs and i got into trouble. Well daddy thinks that when he spoke with the girls parents that the bullying ended but it didnt. It's still happening and its getting worse.

I walk to my locker when i feel a pair of hands on my back and get violently pushed into my locker banging my head. I turn to see the 3 evil witches of school laughing and walking away. My head is throbing. I lift my hand to my head and i feel liquid and i take a look to see my blood on my hand and i begin to cry

" this is hell" i say to myself.

I begin to walk to the nurses office when i bump into Hollie who is surrounded by her little friends. Hollie goes to my school obviously she is in a lower year than me. She is even more popular than me. She has her own friends who seem to like her for who she is and not her last name which i am envious of. I cant find a single friend i came to the school with everyone knowing me as the daughter of John Lennon as i was always in the newspapers along side my dad. Hollie came into the school being able to show people who she is as i never got the chance as people just see John Lennon when they see me.

" oh India what has happened?" Hollie asked rushing over

" oh i fell being clumsy as usual"

" its weird you are only clumsy at school"

" well i cant help it"

" India you have to tell someone your getting bullied"

" look its no ones businness ok i can deal with it"

" its my business your my big sis and its mum and dads business they need to know"

" look they dont need to know shit ok. Dont you dare tell them."

" this has been going on for months and months it needs to stop"

" it will stop. Just keep your mouth shut"

" no i cant look your bleeding i am going to tell daddy when i get home  he will fix it"

Hollie walked away with her friends before i had the chance to talk her out of it. I did not want mum and daddy knowing. i have already caused them to much heartache and they dont need the hassle. Im  huge hassle i bring nothing but problems and trouble. Hollie  is so good she is sweet she helps shes popular she is smart she is excelling at all her classes. Then there is me im not good at anything well i can sing but that isnt going to help me. I would be better off dead.

I walk into the nurses office but it is empty and i see a knife sitting on the tray and i look at it for a long time thinking i should just end it all.  I picked up the knife and the nurse walked in and i hid the knife in my pocket. The school bell rang indicating it was home time.

" Uhm i should be going" i said getting of my chair

" oh goodness sit back down i need to clean that head up. What happened to you?"

" i tripped and hit my head on my locker"

I got my head cleaned up and ran out of school and just made it onto the school bus.

Hollie was not on the bus so knew she must of got a lift home which means she will be home before me.

I walked into the house to see Hollie talking to mum and daddy and daddy was crying. They both looked up to see me and Daddy walked over and held my head in his hands and gave me a huge hug.

" whats with this welcome its a bit different than the usual hows your day princess" i joked hoping that Hollie didnt spill the beans

" what happened to your head?. " he asked

" i tripped and hit it on my locker that will teach me for not tying my shoe laces"

" why are you lying? why don't you trust me enough to tell the truth?. Why do you have to disapoint me? why cant you tell the truth?"

Those words stung the 'why do you have to disapoint me' and i began to cry

" thats all i am is a huge disapointment right?. just one big massive mistake just someone who would be better of dead to make your life better because im worthless to you. i always have been. always been the one that makes mistakes who has the attitude who always gets left behind and forgotten for when you get bored and want to run away from me. I WOULD BE BETTER OF DEAD"  i scream at dad before runnng upstairs and locking myself in the bathroom. I bring out the knife out of my pocket and cut my wrists over again and again and again while crying and praying that god would take me away from this sorrow and pain.