The Color Line

Closure

As soon as I step through the church doors, an eery chill crawls up my spine. My mouth is dry and my heart is about to escape from my chest.

"It's okay Harmony," I whisper to myself, unsure of my own words. Anaiyah grabs my hand and squeezes. The warmth of her hand calms me a little, but it doesn't get rid of the bile rising to my throat.

I spot my mother sitting in the back of the church. She's clutching one of the programs that were handed out. With her cheeks stained with tears, she smiles weakly and gestures for me to come sit with her. I obey and let go of Anaiyah to go comfort my crying mother.

The program starts as everyone joins together in prayer. I play along, only to be polite.

To my dismay, everyone has something positive to say. The sob stories and tales of heroism make me sick. Everyone seems to have a positive tale except for me, and selfishly, I feel that my story is more important.

. . .

As the program ends, my uncles haul the casket outside and into the herse. My mother and I follow the crowd and hop into the car to follow them to the graveyard.

"Do we have to do this mom?"

"We don't have to, but I think we should, for closure at least.." She trails off.

"Mama I don't need that. I really don't."

"Harmony, we both do, trust me. It'll be good for you."

I don't say anything else. There's no way out of this so I might as well listen to her.

We arrive at the cemetery. The coffin has already been set up, so my mother and I make our way towards the crowd surrounding the coffin. They make one last prayer and release a dozen doves from a decorated cage. They fly over the cemetery and disappear into the distance.

As I turn to follow my mother, I spot a woman staring at me from across the cemetery. She's a tall, thin woman with light skin and bone straight, light brown hair. She continues to stare at me even after I meet her gaze. She shoots me a smirk that doesn't reach her eyes. Another unusual chill passes through me.

When I turn away from her, I'm face to face with a boy that looks to be around my age.

"I'm Kyle." He extends his hand, expecting for me to shake it.

"Uhh...hi Kyle.. I'm Harmony," I awkwardly shake his hand.

"I'm your half brother Harmony. It's so nice to finally meet you."

He frowns at my confused expression. 

"I'm the son of the woman that your father left your mother for," he chuckles. "Oh look! There's my mom right there." He points to the scary woman who was just staring at me moments ago.

My blood boils at his words and I feel the urge to punch him square in the nose. I calm myself though becaue after all, it isn't his fault. No matter how spoiled, annoying, and rude he is, he's still nothing but a byproduct of a messy situation.

"Nice to meet you too," I say through my teeth. The best thing for me to do is ignore him and walk away before he says anything else.

As I walk away, my head starts to spin. The bitter memories of my father force themselves into my mind and consume me in a matter of seconds. I run to my mother's car, thankful that the door is unlocked, and slip inside to cry. The tears flow like a waterfall. They won't stop. I can't make them stop. They just keep flowing and flowing until my shirt is soaked and my nose is closed.

Then it hits me. My mother is still out there alone. What if that bitch tries to talk to her? I'll have to smack a hoe down if that happens.

I jump out of the car, desperately trying to search for my mother. I find her with my grandmother and take a sigh of relief. That woman is nowhere in sight. Calming myself down, I turn to look at the gravestone.

Maybe your mom is right, I think to myself. My feet seem to move on their own as I inch closer to the gravestone. I stop in front of it, breathing hard as ever. Tears form again as I lower myself to the ground.

"You hurt me," I say to the gravestone with my father's name on it. "You hurt mom too. You left us. You left Eve before she was even born. You didn't even care enough to come see her. She has no idea who you are, which is a good and bad thing I guess." The tears are hot on my cheeks as I sniff and say more. "Why did you leave? Why did you abandon us? We went through so much. We were homeless while you were cozy in that huge house with that whore! You ruined us! You left us in the cold with no where to go, nothing to eat. You shattered mom's heart. You broke us. We were a family, but no, you thought the grass was greener on the other side didn't you? She had money and stability so you just ran to her right? If only you knew that she didn't cry once today at your funeral. But you know who did? Mom. She cried and cried because she still cared about you. Yeah she has someone better now but that love she had for you never went away. I heard about how miserable you were with her. She wasn't mom and that annoying parasite of a son wasn't me. I want to hate you so bad but I can't. I just can't. But you know what dad? I forgive you. I can't keep letting you have control over me. It was your loss leaving my life, not mine. And it wasn't my fault either. I love you dad, I always will. And I forgive you."

My shirt is more soaked now and my head hurts. The world seems to spin around me.

"Harmony?" My mother calls for me. I turn around to see her standing about five feet away from me, tears steadily rolling down her brown cheeks. She's clutching an envelope in her hand. I see writing on the front that looks like my dad's handwriting.

"Let's go home, Harm." She extends her hand to help me up from the ground. I walk with her to the car, giving my farewells to my unknown family members along the way.

The car ride is silent, with the only sounds coming from the engine. The radio isn't even on. The silence is kind of nice and allows me to think. I can tell my mom is thinking too. She's staring straight ahead with a neutral expression and has the envelope resting in her lap. I wanted to ask her what the letter said, but I know it's something that will always be between only her and my father.

. . .

When we get home, Jessie and Eve are both in the living room watching cartoons. Jessie is doing Eve's hair. He's gotten pretty good at it over the years and has just recently mastered braids.

Seeing them makes me think of my father. I can almost see us in our old house, me watching cartoons while he tries to create the puff balls on my head that my mother always did.

"We missed you guys," Jessie turns around. His blue eyes search my mother's before he stands to hug her. She wraps her arms around his neck while he rubs his hand up and down her back. After their emotional exchange, Jessie turns to me.

"How are you holding up?" He asks. His smile is sympathetic and sweet.

I don't say a word to him. Instead I walk towards him and wrap my arms around his waist. His body tenses at my unusual behavior. I've never actually hugged Jessie before. I've always liked him as a person, but I never really got close to him like I should have.

His arms cross over the back of my head as he squeezes me tight.

"I love you, dad," I say to him.

"I love you too Harmony." I can hear the tears in his voice.