The Color Line

Rekindling

Alexander's POV

"Fuck!" I scream as I beat my steering wheel for the hundredth time since I've gotten in my car.

I stare off into the distance as I realize what I've just done. I messed up. I could see the look in her eyes... The way they shifted from anger to hurt repeatedly. She looked like she was slowly breaking down before me. If I hadn't spent years building this tough exterior, I would've shown her what I really felt inside under this harsh mask.

A weird sound creeps up the the back of my throat and before I know it I'm bawling like a two year old.

Why did I do that to her? Why am I such an idiot? I never thought I'd ever love anyone, and as soon as I do I mess it up.

She didn't deserve that, and I sure as hell don't deserve her.

I stare back at the house that I'd just stormed out of, debating weather or not should run back in, get on my knees, and pour my heart out to her. She's so perfect in every way and I've been contemplating for so long on weather or not I should tell her how I feel.

I take off my seatbelt and get myself ready to walk in there and finally let her know how I feel. No more playing games.

She should know how much I love her. She should know that I've never seen hair so curly and a body so flawlessly curved. That I've never seen eyes so mesmerizing or heard a laugh so enchanting. She should know that I've wrote in my thought journal about her everyday since I saw her in the principal's office. She should know that something as simple as her smile turns me on. She should know that I'd wait thousands of years to be able to explore her body like I've done these worthless whores in this town. But with her it wouldn't be about lust or boredom, it'd be about love. She should know these things.

Shouldn't she?

...No. She can't.

I'll destroy her. I know I will. I mess everything up and I'll do the same to her. She doesn't need me. She needs to stay away from me.

She needs to hate me...

I start my car and drive as fast as I can out of this town to the nearest motel. I refuse to go back home and I can't go back where I want to be so this is my only option.

When I get to my room I sit at the edge of the probably filthy bed and slide my hands over my face.

I feel so empty, so weak, like there's a gaping whole in my chest.

I know Harmony is the only fix for that but I need to find an alternative.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and go to my contact list. My thumb hovers over the name that I'm looking for. I have no idea why this number is still saved but I guess I could use it one more time.

I dial the number and she answers on the second ring.

"Hello?" She answers. Her voice is more annoying than I remember it to be.

"Come to the Sunny Motel. Room ten."

"Hi Alex! Or should I say nigger lover. I'm surprised you called. Shouldn't you be kissing that monkey right now?" She snickers.

"Just get over here. Now," I bark. She chuckles. Even that simple sound irritates my soul.

"Fine." She hangs up.

My stomach turns as I drop my phone beside me on the dirty bed. After Harmony, thinking of all the girls I've been with in the past makes me sick. Maybe I could pretend she's Harmony. Maybe picture her face instead of that whore's.