Devotion: Dedicated to anyone who’s been suffering from leukemia or any type of cancer. God bless for being born and I hope happiness stays within you - forever and ever until infinity ends
“It’s not safe to look into the future with eyes of fear.”
- Edward Harriman
000: Fading
“Everyone has to face their own demons,” I softly whispered against the cold air in the freezing atmosphere.
“It’s hard to face your demons when everyone thinks you are one,” he slowly replied making sure every word was heard.
I stared into Eliot’s deep ocean blue eyes and his dark chocolate Hershey's colored hair that was pointing in different directions. I took a deep breath hoping this wouldn’t be the last breath I’d be taking tonight.
Every second fades as the clock ticks away pushing me to a place where I haven’t traveled before. But in life, many people go through these situations every day and I shouldn’t be selfish wishing to stay any longer.
That’s the circle of life nobody can stop it. It’s an ongoing wheel reaching for a goal of infinite accomplishments and if one part of the wheel breaks, the rest of its cycle will never work like the way it used to. It either removes the unnecessary stuff out or rebuilds a cycle. And life has chosen it to be me and the rest of the thousands of people with me to this day.
What I’m afraid of the most is not about dying or getting hurt. I feared the people around me being in pain as I fade into thin air. If only my loved ones weren’t entangled in my dreadful life, then they wouldn’t be going in the same direction of misery with me. I don’t want them to remember me as the tragic girl who died from leukemia; better yet I didn’t want them looking back at the unpleasant past. But if dying is my destiny, then I’ll let it be. I can’t fight against Mother Nature for this one.
I gave him a small grin that concealing my agony. With the little time we had left, I showed the least bit signs of regret for what I have done to make him fall head over heels for me. It was cruel and selfish of me to do it, but I was ineffably pushing back my fears and the past before I came crumbling down.
I took off my golden ring - the one he have given me to represent our eternal love for one another. I let my tears for just this once and handed him the precious metal.
He shook his head, not accepting my last petition of this day.
Instead, his icy fingers brushed against my bottom dried lip as I tried my best not to wince at the pain. He carefully leaned in to plant a peck on my forehead as he whispered on the last sentence to me, “I’ll always be here Eli,” he said above a whisper as his lips told me white lies, but his eyes revealing the truth. “Forever and ever and ever. Until infinity ends…” his voice drifting until everything was muted.
I took on the last breath, slowly closing my heavy eyelashes as he faded away. The life I had was a ticking bomb with a date set up for me at the dead end of the road. There was no future for me. No future of ‘us’.
The way he looked at me leads me to an anonymous land where everything was possible. When I’ve forgotten to forget, all I remembered was how he treated me with the simplest smile making my day shine with the brightest light.
He’d always say, once a heart is broken, it can never heal by time, but the people around her. I never got cured from the acute leukemia cancer I had, but he was right. A heart can never heal by time - no matter how long it takes, it can only heal with the people around her. Even though I didn’t physically get healed, I felt like I was by the people who were around me.
The funny thing about him was he thought fate brought us together. With the same name we have and the same interest we shared, he thought it was sure meant to be us - together, forever and forever. It was always me and him. What could possibly go wrong? We were too selfish to think of the consequences at the end and too dumb to ignore them. At the end of every person’s life, we have to pay the price of what we deserve.
And today, I paid mine.
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Author's Note: A great thanks to xxLivexLovexLaugh (Teddy) and ChocoCutter (Jean) for fixing my grammer errors and adding some cherry toppings here and there. Forever and will be, M.
