she's my winona; brendon urie au

eight

"Hey, Henry?" I say, into the phone, teetering between the heel and tip of my toe.

"Yeah, Carl?"

He's always called me that, even since we were kids. That's actually how it was birthed. He thought it was funny that the only logical nickname for me was a guy's name. I can still hear him on the playground, singing.

"Carl, Carl. Carly is a boooooy!"

Sometimes I feel like he's trying not to laugh when he calls me that. What a prick.

"Are you free today?"

Yes, I didn't want to bring Marley to coffee with Brendon. I just want him to know me for me, not me when I'm around a toddler I am responsible for. I wanted to let loose, and be able to really talk to him. It's not even that I'm interested in him, I mean, I did only meet him yesterday. It's just that he's so mysterious and confusing, and I want to know everything there is to know about him. I feel like everything he said to me was a cliff-hanger, meant to make me want to keep reading, to leave me wanting more. Sometimes I feel like that's exactly why he's doing this.

"Yeah, actually. Did you want to hang out?"

"If you wanna telepathically hang out while you watch Marley, then sure, yeah."

He chuckles into the phone, then lets out an airy breath, "I can watch Marley, yeah."

Henry just feels bad for me. I know he doesn't like kids. If it wasn't for the situation I'm in, he would've yelled "Hell, no," and hung up on me. I don't blame him, though. I would've done the same thing. I drop Marley off at Henry's house, then I'm at Riverside Café where there's no turning back. I spot him almost immediately. He's drumming his fingers on the edge of a table by the window.

I sit down at the chair across from him, softly saying, "Hi."

He returns the word and stifles his drumming. I wanted to start a normal conversation, but my personality gets the best of me and I decide to tease him.

"So . . . what's the important baby shopping fact you forgot to throw out, yesterday?" I ask, twirling a strand of my hair.

I do that when I'm anxious, but it naturally looks like a flirtatious thing. I'm kind of over it, now. It is what it is.

"Uh," He sputters.

Just when I think he's going to fall, he catches himself and jumps to the next word.

"You should probably buy some books for him. Reading is just-well, it's just great for babies."

I laugh halfheartedly, "I already have books for him, actually."

"Oh," He looks down, blushing and scratching the back of his neck.

"Can you explain your whole situation with Marley and everything? I don't want to push you, but if you're willing, I," The amount of rambling he does is revolutionary, "I'd like to hear it."

So, I fess up. I spill my guts. I'm dropping jaws across the café, proud of what I'm doing. Gasps fly like symphonies as I keep going on and on about the car accident, my stay at the hospital, the doctors grim looks, and even the phone call to my mother. I go on and on until I can't stop myself and words are just endlessly floating out of me. Things I didn't even know I knew were coming out, and all I was doing was talking. All he was doing was listening. And he did such a good job, nodding and leaning his head on his hand for support, his mouth leading agape when I said something stunning.

"Wow," he says, when I finish.

"That must be awful for you."

My psychiatrist would be proud. I don't doubt that she would applaud. I nod, looking down before I turn my gaze up back to him.

"So what's your story?

It isn't uncommon for me to be melodramatic in any situation I'm in. Sure, times can be hard, but there will always be someone out there in a worse situation than you're in.

"When I was twenty-three, my girlfriend died in the process of giving birth. The baby did, too. Fuck, I hate myself for it. She was so happy about having her, and I wasn't ready for a kid. I wasn't going to leave her though-I loved her too much. I feel like if I was more supportive, if I wanted the baby then it would've worked out differently. God, it's been awful."

And as he said it, his head fell into his hands. His voice wavered, but he was more angry with himself than sad about what happened right now.

"Oh my god, Brendon. That really sucks. Don't beat yourself up about it, though. You had no control over what happened." I comfort, placing my hand on his forearm.

He looks up at me in disbelief, like I just told him he has a lost twin brother.

"I know, I know that. I just wish I was supportive while I had the chance to be, you know?"

"I understand how you feel. I mean, I've never been through anything like that, so I can't even imagine how bad it could be, but I've been through similar loss and guilt to know that beating yourself up about it isn't going to make you better. I know your girlfriend and baby don't hate you, and I know they forgive you. You have to remember that Brendon."

Brendon's POV:

I feel like her words are stabilizing. Like with each one she utters, the road I walk becomes more flat and clear of debris. With no amount of time could I come up with a more perfect response, so I just smile and say, "I really like you, Carly. You helped me a lot, today."

She smiles back, flashing her teeth, "I guess the favor has been returned."

And with that, we break into a normal conversation, talking about normal topics instead of the travesties that overfill us. I feel like we've done enough soul-searching and self-pitying for today, and we begin learning basic facts about each other. This is my favorite part of any relationship, whether it be friends or more. The beginning is always the best part, where you're learning about the person. Where every little fact is new and fresh in your mind, where you have the chance to be surprised still. Where everything is exciting. Carly tells me stories that hide side notes about herself, and I spit back clichés followed by more stories and arrogant comments. It's the way it's supposed to be, and for once, I feel like I'm living a normal life.

A/N: How did you guys feel about the point of view changing? If it confused you, or if you just didn't like it feel free to comment or PM me. But I just did t because later in the story I plan to. Carly will remain the main point of view and the main character, but Carly obviously can't read Brendon's mind so the things I want you guys to know about Brendon that he isn't sharing with Carly will be found in his point of view section. Does that make sense?

Anyway, thank you so much for all you do. I'm a repetitive ass hoe, I love you fools.

-Emma