My Dearest, Laurens

A. Hamilton

I texted John that I was on my way home and dashed towards the apartment. I missed him a lot for some reason even though it had only been a couple of hours. I didn't even bother asking Eliza for a ride home.

I walked into the apartment and yelled out to John but he didn't reply. I thought maybe he was just using the bathroom until I heard the sobs. I asked him where he was and he told me that he was in the bathroom but seemed as if he didn't mean to tell me.

I walked up to the door and argued with him for a while until I heard him say my name. It sounded so broken, I couldn't help the pang of hurt that went through my entire body. He told me that he felt cold and that the cold would go away and that he would go away. I got really scared and started beating on the door with all the strength that I could muster and begged him to let me in. Thankfully he unlocked the door, but the site in front of me was something I could never forget. John's body, almost limp, blood pouring out of his arms, the most pained expression I had seen on anyone's face. I couldn't help but cry, my John was in so much pain that he felt he needed to do this.

I picked him up and carried him into the living room and started frantically trying to stop the bleeding by putting pressure on it and yelling so many things about how amazing he was and how much I needed him. I had given many amazing, heartfelt speeches and published many anonymous, yet passionate essays at that point but nothing I had done was anywhere near as heartfelt and passionate as the words I spoke at that moment.

He passed out and I bawled harder than I had throughout my entire fucked up life at that point. I called Eliza and begged her to take us to the hospital. She got over as fast as she could and we raced him to the hospital. The doctors told me that he would be fine but it would take him a long time to wake up. They had the audacity to tell me that it would be best if I went home and got some rest. Ha! There was no way I was leaving John alone in a hospital room that night.

I sat beside him and held his hand. I put his hand up to my mouth a lightly kissed it.

"John. . ." I whispered.

I ended up falling asleep next to him and waking up at around two in the morning to John saying my name. I opened my eyes slowly and looked at him.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty." John said.

"John! You-you're awake! That's great. I love you so much, why would you do something so horrendous to me, John, why?" I cried out.

"I-I don't know. I didn't think you would care so much." John said, shocked.

"Of course I care. No one deserves that. Even if I didn't know you I would have been devastated that someone would want to do that, but this, this was you. I couldn't even figure out how to handle my emotions. I don't know why, I just, care so much for you." I stood up and cupped his face with my hand.

"Why are you so amazing, Alexander?" John smiled up at me.

That smile melted my heart, as it did every time. It was so contagious I couldn't help but smile back.