He Told Me To Walk This Way

I'm Blowin' Out the Flame

Within the next week, everyone seemed to be in a state of newfound bliss; at least Joey and Angie did. They began spending a lot more time together with the baby. I could tell that it was putting a strain on Steven and the rest of the band, since a lot of time was being taken away from music making. But he couldn't bring himself to go and tell one of his best friends to get the hell away from his baby and get back to work. Steven wasn’t that rude-although he and Joey had gotten into a pretty serious argument over his and Angie’s relationship. But anyway, like I said, it definitely was putting a strain on him though, which translated into a strain being put on me. Steven and I argued a lot more, and it had been hurting me a lot more than I’d been letting on. In addition to the fights, the drug use had escalated a lot lately, mainly on the part of Steven. And that was saying a lot. It was almost like partying had replaced me...and that scared the living shit out of me. Steven was literally all I had left. I had thrown everything else aside to be with him, including school, and my relationship with my mother.

I rolled over in Steven's bed, facing away from him. He was still sleeping, I knew, because I could hear his delayed breaths as they fell from his lungs. Before I had the chance to get bogged down in adoring his utterly flawless face, I stepped onto the bedroom floor carefully, so as not to disturb him. We'd had a fight the night before which had lasted well into the early morning, so we were both exhausted.

"Where ya goin' babe?" Steven groaned tiredly. He rubbed his eye and I couldn’t help but grin at how cute he was in the mornings.  

"I'm getting up now. I think I'm gonna visit my mom today. It's been a while since I saw her."  I said, pulling a white sweater over my head.

"Hey" Steven started. When he didn't continue, I turned to look at him.

"huh?" I asked, pulling on my button-fly jeans.

"I'm sorry about last night" he said, smiling faintly.

I walked back over to the bed and leant down to kiss him, our lips fitting perfectly together. And just like that-it almost felt like the fight had never happened. 

"It's okay...I guess we're both pretty stressed right about now" I reasoned, not really meaning it. I didn’t want him to know just how sad I was feeling. I felt horrible because we hardly were around each other anymore and when he was around me, we were fighting. He nodded and then rolled over, telling me that he wasn't ready to get up yet. 

I stood on the porch of the house where I'd lived seventeen years of my life, and knocked on the door reproachfully. I wasn't sure what to say to my mom when she answered. It'd been so long since I'd seen her and I felt terrible about it.

 A few moments later I saw the thick white door as it was pulled from the jamb and there stood my mom with a huge smile on her face. She dried her hands on her apron and said, “Oh Ginny! Come in, come in!” Then she opened the glass storm door for me.

“Hi ma” I said, leaning into her for a hug. She led me down the hallway and into the kitchen where I used to eat breakfast every day.

“Can I get you some coffee, dear?” She asked, buzzing around the kitchen, clearly elated that I’d shown up.

I giggled; it was funny seeing her move around so fast, fussing over me. “Ma, no, just come sit down. Let’s talk-I haven’t seen you in so long!” I said, trying not to bring her down with the thought of me abandoning her.

“Okay...” She said, smiling. “I’m sorry Gin...I’ve missed you so much. I called, you know. Nobody answered and, well, I wasn’t sure of Steven’s address or if you’d even be there. I’m sorry baby; I could’ve tried to come see you I guess”. Now I felt terrible. She was blaming herself for my absenteeism.