Funny how love works (A Spoby Story) [COMPLETED]

Chapter 24: A Good night of Sleep

Toby's PoV

- Goodnight Gracie. Sweet dreams.
- Night Spencer, Night Toby.

We slowly close the door and head up to our bedroom.

- You okay Spencer ? I ask
If you want i can go on the couch.

- What's that suppose to mean ? She asks in a really serious tone i haven't hear in a while

- Nothing. It's a real question. I answer sincerely

Although, i'm kind of tired because i barely slept in 10 days because of her panic attacks.

- I'm just saying, maybe you would be better without me in the bed Spence. I scare you

- What?! This isn't true.

- Oh come on! I raise my voice a bit but slow it down when i realize that we just put Grace to bed

- Come on what Toby?

- You're scared of me. Everything i touch you even a bit you jump out of the bed !

- Excuse me ? How could you say this ?! You know why i react like this! I still have proofs on my body!

- I just want to sleep Spencer! I can't deal with all this! I can't even give you a hug anymore without feeling like i'm harassing  you!

- How can you say that to me ?! You think this is easy for me ? I miss you having you in my arms! You think it's easy for me to not trust my husband, the love of my life, you because a random dude raped me!

- Don't say i-

- ACCEPT IT TOBY! Say it! I have been raped! And this is our life now! Yes i jump every time a door bangs, i shake every time you touch me but this is me now! This isn't my fault and you need to understand this! How can you be so selfish?! You think i've been sleeping lately? Not that much either.
She sits and start to cry.

Oh my god. She's so right. How Can I act like this. I don't know a bit what she's been through. I have been so selfish. I shouldn't be the one complaining about all this... This isn't me, why Am I acting like this oh noo. I don't deserve to be here, i've been such a jerk
I sit on the bed and start to cry too.
I need to get this out

Spencer noticed my state and comes near me, while trying to dry hers
- Toby I-

- No, it's me. You're right, i've been a selfish jerk. It's just that Spence, i miss you so much. I hate being the reason you scream at night. I feel guilty, even more than before.

- Toby it's not your fault, not before, not now, not never. But you gotta give me time.

- Of course honey. I'm so sorry it's just, sometimes i have the feeling that i need to get everything out on someone, but it shouldn't have been you...
i'm gonna go and let you sleep now. Again I'm so sorry.

- Toby wait! Take the bed. It's the least I can do

- Spencer, you don't owe anyone anything. You're not the problem, i am for being this stupid.

- I insist. Take the comfy bed Toby.

- You sleep here princess. I'm right here anyway, try to sleep tight okay, i'll just undo the sofa bed.
No negotiations

- Ok then, good night Tob's
She kisses me on the cheek and i walk to the living room.
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The both tried to sleep but they felt lonely without each other. Spencer didn't feel any safer without him next to her, and Toby didn't sleep better without her screaming.
He just looked at the ceiling for an hour or so.
His phone suddenly ring
" I miss you
S-"
" Miss you too"
He could just go to her room to tell her this, but he doesn't. He wants to give her the place she needs