In the Year of the Cat (Queen or Freddie Mercury Fanfic)

52. The Morning After

Only moments after I'd closed my eyes, it seemed, I abruptly woke to meet the next morning.  A soft rain fell outside, pattering gently upon the terrace.  I pushed my hair back, which had fallen wildly over my face, and opened my eyes a crack to see the room was still rather dark- my guess, about a quarter past seven or so.  I felt around on either side of me and found I was alone in bed. 

For a split second I dared to wonder if I'd only dreamed last night.  But then I moved my legs a bit and winced at the sudden, stabbing ache between them.  On instinct I lifted the covers to see what was the matter, and found I was stark naked.  Memories of the night before flooded my mind, a little smile curving my lips.

We made love last night, I thought to myself, as though I still couldn't fully believe it.  Oh, my God.  I slept with him.  He slept with me.  We made love. 

I was a girl no longer.  The concept intimidated me a little.  I had never thought of myself as anything else, really.  But last night, as soon as that nightgown had fallen from my frame, and we lay down together, I stopped being a girl- a child.  In one fell swoop, Freddie had stripped me of that title and given me another. Now, I was a woman.

And then it hit me.  In quiet panic I added, So, now what?

Everything I had pushed aside last night to make room for Freddie and the endless love he brought with him, I remembered.

My first thought was of my parents, and what they would think if they, in a purely hypothetical situation, were to burst into his boudoir now to see me lying naked in Freddie's bed, or last night, to find the two of us tangled up in passion. 

Granted, neither of my parents were even out of middle school in 1977.  But still I could hear their foreboding words now, playing back in my ear as loudly as if they were speaking to me in person- the heartbroken announcement that I would have to find myself somewhere else to live.  My parents had never lied to me; I loved them, and I believed them. 

But I don't live with my parents anymore, I rationalized.  I live with Freddie.

All the same, I had given this man the very thing I swore to myself I would save until safe and sound within the bounds of marriage.  Freddie had entirely unraveled me, it seemed, my moral fabric so frayed and threadbare I scarcely recognized it as my own.  For thirteen days, now, and really even less than that, considering the first day was only a night- I had been a mystery in more ways than one. Now he knew my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body. 

Doesn't it work both ways, though?  I know his, as well.  Even after I've told Freddie everything, he's let me know him so intimately, it's wonderful.

But it was still a different dynamic.  I thought of what Mary had said to me, how Freddie adored newness. I loved him just as much as I did before I gave myself to him, perhaps even more.  But I was an opened box, a solved mystery.  Now that he had taken me, and done quite a solid job of it, would I still mean anything to him?  Would the pale light of this morning weaken the promises made in last night's sultry darkness?

I still have a way out, I reminded myself, thinking of the Relic still sitting on the counter.  There's a safety net, if it turns out that yesterday doesn't define this tomorrow.  I don't want to use it, but it's there.

So thinking, I edged out of bed.  Once I was up and walking around, I felt much better.  Freddie had indeed been kind of rough with me the second time.  Not that I was complaining.  I'd never smiled so hard as now, while I stretched my arms up over my head and walked up to Freddie's bureau to find a generic top to wear in case he should mosey back in over the next minute.