A Song for You

VII - Mirrors

JACKSON

Alone in the dorms, Jackson is trying to find something to do to pass the time – he got home early from his solo endorsement shoot and found the dorms empty. He forgot that tonight everyone decided to go out and have dinner – a dinner party which he declined because he can no longer stand seeing Bambam's sad eyes, face etched with disappointment everytime he looks at Mark.

So here he is, alone in the dorms, bored out of his mind – but no matter what he does with his time, his mind always circles back to the events of the past month. They have been busy with the preparations for their tour, exhausted and on the point of collapsing every night these past weeks that the last time he remembers having time spent with Bambam was that night Bam slept on his bed, when he needed the latter because he missed his family. He cannot believe that it has been a month since that night.

A month of torture is more like it. Never minding the exhaustion from what seems to be like endless dance rehearsals, Jackson could not help but notice the sudden closeness between Bambam and his roommate Mark. The past two weeks, they seem to always be together, stuck in corners whispering as if they have some secret that only they have a right to know. And this bugs Jackson. Bambam has never taken him for granted before and it is disconcerting. He has gotten used to always having Bam's attention that when the younger boy started to pay more attention to Mark, he cannot deny that it hurt him.

The hurt though, is more than just a best friend getting hurt because his closest friend is spending more time with someone else. And these past few weeks, Jackson had come to accept that he loves Bambam and wants the younger boy for himself. He feels selfish at times because he would feel bad whenever he sees Bambam laughing at something that Mark would say or when he would ask Mark if he has eaten or if the latter has already taken his vitamins. He wants the boy's laughter for himself and his concerns reserved just for him.

And then last night happened. "Uggh!" Jackson groaned in frustration, almost wanting to pull at his hair.

Last night, Mark called a meeting and said that he wanted to talk to everyone because there is an announcement he wished to make. And this frustrates Jackson to no end because now, he realized that he should have been the one to call a special meeting with the group, he should have been the one to make the special announcement. If only he was brave enough and had the nerve to get his head out of a** and just confessed. If only.

But no, Mark has stolen his thunder with the announcement and now everyone is out partying and celebrating the announcement. The group was happy. Jackson, the side of him that isn't all frustrated by the turn of events, is happy for his best friend. He is happy that finally Mark can truly be himself and that he has finally found that one thing that completes him. He is happy for Mark. He is just feeling a bit sorry for himself.

So while the rest of his groupmates are out for dinner, here he is – alone in the dorms, not really knowing what to do to amuse himself while waiting for everyone to get back home so he can go to sleep. He will not be able to get any rest unless he knows that Bambam is already safe and sound.

He was shaken out of his thoughts by a ding coming from his cellphone. When he checked, it's a message from Bam, asking if he already ate – and again his heart did that silly beat it gets everytime Bambam pays him any bit of attention. Heart beating fast, Jackson replied no, he hasn't eaten yet. Truth be told, he does not have that much of an appetite. Bambam's next message just told him not to do anything, that he will be home in 20 minutes and he will be bringing food for Jackson.

So Jackson assured Bambam that he will not eat anything and that he will wait for him to come home. Still fiddling with his phone, he opened his playlist and looked for that one song that always reminds him of Bambam – that one song that he will always associate with a beautiful smile, perfect full lips, and hands that fit his like a piece of a missing puzzle. Still lost in thought, he started singing to Justin Timberlake's Mirrors.

"Arent you something to admire?

'Cause your shine is something like a mirror

And I can't help but notice

You reflect in this heart of mine

If you ever feel alone and

The glare makes me hard to find

Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side."

"Oh my God!" Jackson thought. "I am truly, completely and irrevocably in-love with him," understanding dawned on him. It doesn't matter that Bambam doesn't feel the same, it doesn't matter that Bambam's heart belongs to someone else, whatever will make him happy, Jackson will be here, he will continue to love him – in silence if that is the only thing that h will be allowed. He will love Bambam with all of his heart even if Bambam's heart belongs to Mark.