Him, The Forbidden (Min Yoongi)

Chapter 18

~Ahn Migyung P.O.V.~

A few weeks have passed and I've never been happier. Yoongi and I have been really well, just enjoying each other's company. I can't help but smile when I see him and feel butterflies swarming my stomach.

It's a Sunday and Yoongi is out with his friends. He kept complaining about how he was spending too much time with me and felt bad that he had been ignoring them. While he's out I decide to stay indoors and read a few books I haven't gotten around to.

Just as it's getting to the part in my story where the characters are about to kiss a knock comes on the front door. I practically yell in frustration, throwing the book down on my bed. Juho and eumma are out so I have to be the one to answer it.

As I'm walking to the door another knock echoes. 'This person is impatient,' I think to myself. As I open the door, I keep it halfway closed in case it's a weird person. Peeking out I see a man who is dressed in a button-down shirt and tan jeans. He looks very professional with his hair slicked to the side.

"Are you Ahn Migyung?" he asks. 

I look at him suspiciously, "Uh.. yeah. Why?"

He looks closely at me and I swear tears start to well up in his eyes for a second. I close the door a little more out of instinct. "Um, take this," he says, handing me a letter.

I take the letter, wondering what the heck is going on. The man says goodbye quickly and leaves. I walk back inside, practically running back to my room to finish my book, throwing the letter on my desk, and forgetting about it.

~~~

It's not until the next day when I'm talking to eumma that I remember it. I jump up from the couch, "One second, let me go grab it." When I return with the letter eumma and I huddle up as I open up the letter.

Inside the letter says:

Dear Ahn Migyung,

I am sorry I have been absent all your life. I was very young and immature when I left, as for I still am seeing as how I have to tell you this in a letter. I hope that I am able to see you in person one day but I am afraid that you will be ashamed to call a man like me your appa. I have come to the realization this past year that I have an alcohol and drug problem. I am receiving counseling and working on myself so I can confront you with confidence one day. The thing is, if you have received this letter then it means that I have passed away before getting to see you. I hope that it does not happen but I am writing this in case it has because nothing in life is guaranteed. I really wish I could've been there for you and your mother and got over my fears but I am only a boy, not a man. I hope that you two are well and that you have another father figure in your life. I hope you don't stay up at night and cry over me. I hope during grade school you did not feel different from the other kids that had their fathers. I hope your mom filled those shoes well and came for the both of us at parent meetings. Overall, I just hope you are well. Even though I have no right to say it, you are my baby girl and I wish you the best.

-Your appa.

By the end, eumma and I are in tears, dozens of thoughts flowing through my mind. Eumma takes the letter from my hands, ripping it up. I start crying more, losing the last piece of the father I never had in the first place. 

I fall to the ground, picking up the shreds. My tears fall to the floor, soaking the paper. Eumma starts yelling though I don't pay attention to what she is saying, I am too busy thinking about all the things my appa was going through in his life. Yes, he was never there for me, but he still cared for me in his own way. That's more than I thought he did.

I hear Yoongi behind me, asking what's wrong as I clutch the pieces of the paper in my hands. I block him out and everything along with it.

~~~

-6 months later-

"Migyung, what the hell has happened to you? You've been a walking zombie for months. You went from ranking first in the class to the average section. You don't talk to anyone, not even me!" Soomin continues, telling me how terrible I am.

"Will you just shut the f**k up for once? I'm not talking to you because I don't like you. You make me feel like dirt on the bottom of your shoe. You always focus everything on yourself. Get the hell out of my life," I yell back at Soomin.

She stops in the middle of the hallway and I continue walking, leaving her behind.

-2 months after that-

"Migyung, you know you can stay here. We love having you here," Juho says as I finish packing everything in my truck I bought a while back. I just shake my head at him, making it apparent that I was going through with what I was doing.

Plus, the new apartment I was moving to was pretty nice. It had a swimming pool that I would have free entry to. It would be a nice change.

I get in the front seat of the truck, looking at Juho and eumma, waving as I back out the driveway. I look over to Yoongi's window as I drive away. He hadn't been coming home for days since what happened last time we talked.

~~~

-1 month before that-

I was in Yoongi's room looking at his CD's like he had looked at mine before. I hadn't talked to him much these past 7 months. We just kind of fell out after everything with my appa happened. 

The door opens to reveal a drunk Yoongi, completely disoriented. I put down the CD in my hands. "We need to talk," I say. He looks over at me and scowls, looking away.

"Get the hell out of my room," he says. 

I sigh, knowing it was going to be this way which is why I wrote him a letter, knowing he would read it on his own time. I leave it on his desk, and leave without a thought left behind.

~~~

-3 months after that-

After graduation, I take off my cap and gown, climbing inside my truck. I start to get ready for work, looking in the rearview mirror as I tie my hair up in a ponytail, throwing on my work shirt. As I start my truck someone walks up to my passenger side window.

I look over to see it is Yoongi. My heart does a little jump and I mentally curse myself for having these feelings for him. I start to roll up the window but he puts his hand over it, making it to where if I continue his hand will get crushed.

"Yoongi, I have to go to work. Please-"

"You think you can just cut me out of your life? Carve me out of your chest? You fu**ing loved me, and I loved you. What kind of love is this? I'm tired of watching you kill yourself. I know you're depressed over your appa, but we can get through this together. Please.. let us get through this together." He starts by shouting the words, but by the end is sobbing and whispering, holding onto the car door window for life.

It hurts me to see him like this but I can't be with him. It's too dangerous. At one point I thought that all of it would be worth it for him but I was fooled. As my appa said, nothing in life is guaranteed. 

Tears start to reach my eyes as I look around at the crowd that has formed around us. Now everyone will know about us. I can't be here. I can't do this. 

I start my car again, seeing a clear path in the parking lot where I can escape. Yoongi starts yelling more.

"Migyung, I love you."

"Please let me hold you."

"Don't go.."

"I need you."

I step on the gas and leave him behind.

~~~

HI. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME.

THANK YOU FOR READING ILY