Discovering Shadows (Completed)

The Catalyst

At the moment, I am sitting in the window seat looking out over the gardens. It's really beautiful outside. I wasn't for sure if it was real that first day but still it was peaceful watching the flowers blow gently in the breeze. It was so beautiful. Like a moving picture. Then Fate took me outside. I had never seen a garden before. I had never touched a flower or felt grass beneath my feet. The grass was prickly at first but soon it melted away with the breeze against my face. The first flower I touched broke beneath my touch. I remember looking up at her and thinking I was in so much trouble. She just picked a flower and showed me how to hold it.

The window seat is my favorite in the house. It is located in the library which is the best. The garden smells like perfume sometimes until the wind blows and then it's really nice. So, I like to look through the window best because I don't have to hold my sneezes. I'm so scared I'll get in trouble if I make a lot of noise.

It took ten days of staying at the house before Fate finally quit watching me and began reading books aloud. She has a good reading voice. It kind of soothes all the troubles and makes you feel like dreaming. She isn't sitting far from me so I can still see her even though I'm not looking at her. I can see her glance at me often to see if I have moved. She likes to know where I am. She doesn't know what to do with a quiet child.

We sit in the library for a long time each day. Today she is reading a story about fairies and pirates from a land in the stars and a boy who doesn't like growing up. The story is silly. A boy who makes friends with a fairy and learns to fly. I wished I had a fairy to help me.

I feel him before I hear him and look at the door. Asher was just turning the corner. Instead of coming in like he always did before he just stands there in the doorway with a large smile on his face. It's strange to see it on his face. I sit up straighter and look closer. He is happy about something but he doesn't make a sound. He just stands there until Fate looks at me. When she notices, I am staring at the door she quiet turns around. When she looks over at him, he nods to her. Whatever that nod means... it has to be important because she starts smiling and crying at the same time. The book falls to the floor as she cries into her hands.

When he comes towards us I back into the window seat just a little bit more. I don't like this change. I don't like that the smiles are gone and tears have come. I thought the tears were gone. He notices my movement and stops abruptly to look at me. He's shocked that I have moved away from them. He wasn't expecting that reaction. But Fate is so excited that she didn't notice me at all but jumped into his arms. He wraps his arms around her and just looks at me with sad eyes.

I know deep down he would never want to hurt me. Sometimes I just know things and when he looks at me now I see that he doesn't really see me. But sees another little girl with brown hair like mine and a big smile. He loved her. I think she was his sister. When he looks at me he mostly sees her. It makes him sad most days. But today he just sees me.

I decide to just sit and wait. Maybe they will forget me. I think about going to find Kevin but I haven't seen him today. He sometimes goes away for a few days. Fate starts laughing and walks over to me. I'm not sure what I was thinking she would do but I know it wasn't that she would grab me in a hug like she did. She squeezes so tight. I don't return it and the hug doesn't last long before she puts me back down and holds her hand out to me. I just look at her unsure.

What do they want me to do? What's going to happen to me? Would they take me somewhere new? Are they going to lock me in the basement? Maybe they found out I was taking the bread...or maybe they found out I was sleeping in the closet instead of the big bed. Were they mad at me for not sleeping in the bed?

Asher walks over and bends down so that he can look into my eyes. I think he sees all my questions.

"We just want you, darling. Nothing more and nothing less than you are willing to give us. But sweetheart you are safe here. I made sure that everyone at the orphanage was safe. I hired someone else to take care of them. Maybe you know her. Ms. Maggie?" He smiled at me when I nodded. "Whenever you are ready to trust us. We are here. Ok?"

They just smile at me and even though all I can do is smile and nod at them they seem happy.

I want to ask about what happened to The Headmistress, if Ms. Maggie is happy running the orphanage, and if Max is okay. But I don't ask them. I don't say a word. But is this really what my life looks like now? Where is the pain?