deadroses // Shawn Mendes

Prolouge

the present

Have you ever wondered what it was like to completely give your everything to someone but for them to just leave you behind like you were some paper they picked up from the street to toss in the trash?

I gave him everything I had but it wasn't enough. I completely understand why he did what he did but if he really loved me wouldn't he always want to be with me?

We were both going through things and he knew from the start that I had baggage. It wasn't something I was proud of but I thought he understood.

After all he got me when no one else did. He broke me out of my shell, breaking my heart in the process. I loved him, hell I still do but he is gone and I can't leave this crappy place to go after him.

I guess all those adventures and memories meant nothing to him. I meant nothing to him.

My nurse, Maria came into my room and sat on the edge of the bed. "Angel you can't stay in here like this honey." She cooed in a sweet tone trying to usher me out of the room.

I shook my head and glared out the window at the people outside. They walked by the hospital so casually ignoring the fact that people like me were in here slowly withering away.

I hated that they were so happy when I couldn't even grasp the idea of being happy.

He was the only one who ever made me feel an ounce of happiness and now it was gone.

I wouldn't even be stuck in this stupid place again if it wasn't for him.  I had finally made it out but he just had to ruin everything for me. I hate him.

Okay that's a lie but I do hate what he did to me. He put me together just to break me into a million pieces agains.

"Angel it's time for lunch."  Maria stated grabbing onto my arms dragging me out of the room. She gave me a little push until we reached the main dinning hall where all the other patients were.

I sat as told and ate as much as my stomach would let me before getting up abruptly and storming off.

He was on the TV smiling and looking extremely happy. It was like a stab in my the back to me and I bet he didn't even care.

After sitting in the same spot by my window all day I decided to draw. Drawing was my escape, whenever I was extremely down I would draw and it helped me feel better for the time being.

A sudden knock on my door jolted me out of my drawing daze. It was probably just Maria so I ignored the knock until it sounded again. I trudged over to the door and swung it open.

My breath hitched as I came face to face with Shawn. He looked nervous but his eyes were sad. I can't remember the last time I got to look into his eyes, it felt like it had been so long.

"Hey Angel." Was the only thing he said. Everything that he's put me through and all he had to say for himself was 'hey Angel'?

It was taking everything in me not to slap him or just flat out kiss him. I just missed him so much and I didn't know what to do.

"Leave." I whispered. My emotions were just hitting me all at once and I couldn't take having him this close to me.

"Angel wait-" he began but I put my hand up, "Please just leave me alone Shawn. You've done enough." I pleaded trying to close the door.

He put his foot in the door so I couldn't shut it completely. I shoved past him and signaled for one of the security guards.

Maria was walking by at that moment and noticed how upset I was. "Angie is everything okay?"

"Shawn." I said before I started sobbing uncontrollably. Why was he doing this to me?

I fell to the ground feeling two arms wrap around me trying to pull me back up. Of course it was Shawn trying to calm me down after causing me to have this breakdown.

"Shhh... it's okay Angie, I'm right here."

I cried even harder. That was the problem, he was here.