Will Never Settle For A Quileute Boy

Am I Better Now?

Am I Better Now?

Paul

I was absolutely terrified.
How was I supposed to act? How was I supposed to feel? I felt like there was nothing like bad timing, I mean; Jess came back to life no more than eight hours ago and I felt like me admitting that she was my imprint, it could have obviously came at a better time.

But I never had an imprint so I didn't know how to act and I didn't know that her eyes would just glow the way that they did. Along with every little touch to her body she sparked and it scared the living shit out of me. But nothing compared to seeing her again. Now all I had to worry about was what I was going to say to Vanessa the next time I saw her.

My mind had been jumbled, in fear I wouldn't have any words to say when Jess arrived. Which would have been impossible considering that I had never been speechless around my best friend. But I found no words to describe about how I was feeling about her right now.

"Hey man," Seth walked up behind me, introducing him into a conversation that I really didn't want to be a part of. "How are you feeling?"

"Like an idiot." How in the hell do I explain anything to anyone? How could something so devastating become something so magical? "I don't know what I'm going to say to her."

"How about starting with hello?"

Her voice had me spin around so fast, I thought my balance would falter and make me fall. Thank god that isn't what happened. When eye contact was made however, that became a different story. She looked amazing even if what she was wearing had been completely simple. Every little thing was making me fall deeper in love with her.

"I-I-I.."

Like I said, I was speechless when it came to her. I felt like a complete kid right now. No girl ever made me feel that way that I couldn't even say hello, there was something seriously wrong with me.

"Hi Paulie," She smiled so bright as she stepped closer, her hands behind her back, and that little chuckle she always did escaped in the most adorable way imaginable. "Why aren't you with everyone else?"

She wrapped her arms around my torso and pushed her head into my chest like she would do so many times before; this time was different since she was different now. Her personality was the same, but her presence was electrifying. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to do with her.

"It feels nice to touch you again," She whispered. She squeezed, and that time, it hurt. Like it actually really hurt, and I couldn't explain it because I had no fucking clue what was going on with her, but one thing I did know: Jess wasn't supposed to hurt me, like ever. "I can't remember the last time I hugged you."

I couldn't breathe, but she didn't know that. Just her being so close was making my heart sink to my stomach and my head spin, I felt absolutely drunk without an ounce of alcohol. Come on now.

"Jess, I want to talk to you. I just don't have the right words to say." I whispered, and spoke as softly as I could. I didn't want to rush my words out because if I did, then it wouldn't come out right, and if that were to happen then it was just going to upset her.

"Alrighty Paulie, let's go talk." She smiled again sweetly as that dimple in her left cheek dented almost automatically, as she took me so softly by the hand and led me to the room in the far corner with the glass double doors.

The small room had two round tables, with four blue plastic chairs around each. It was a stupid small kitchen and I don't know why I didn't just say that. Jess had been clouding my thoughts, and I couldn't think straight. I don't think I would ever be able to think straight because of Jess. And that was why I had to figure out what in the world was happening.

"I just wanted to say, that I swear I didn't forget about your birthday Jess," I inhaled deeply. I turned to her so that she could see how sincere I was being, but she wasn't where I thought she'd be. She was already sitting on the counter with her pretty blue dress, and her hair as long as I can remember, her feet were stretched out and she just seemed like she was in her own world. Just like I remembered her. She looked up at me, dazed almost, and when eye contact was made again my heart skipped a beat. "I was honestly so tired and I knew it was your birthday. I was just trying to wake up, scouting the reserve had me completely worn out and I am so sorry. Because if I would have just taken the time and tried to make things better between us. You wouldn't have been hurt, and none of this would have happened."

"Am I better now?" She sat in silence as she took in my deepest apology, but when the words escaped her lips, she had sadness mixed with curiosity in her eyes, and when she looked at me like that, it made me wonder how could she ever think of something like that?

"There is no now Jess, you were always the best, then, now, and forever. I wouldn't want you to change ever," I closed in the open space between us, and just by her expression. Her eyes fluttered with life and with such a pretty color. I kept falling for it and I couldn't freaking help it.

"You always saw the best in me Paul, and I love you the most for that." She placed a hand where my heart was, and inhaled. I don't know what she was doing, but she was making my heart skip and beat, and stop, and skip again. "Now tell me what imprinting means."

"What?" I honestly didn't think she was listening. It scared me to tell her, because what if she found what I told her completely odd, and completely unrealistic? "You really want to know about that, now?"

"How could I not want to know? It's already odd and unrealistic that you're a giant wolf boy, how much weirder can it get?" She giggled while her hand remained in the same spot, while I, had been flipping the hell out.

"How do you know what I was thinking?" I asked bewildered, and yet when she made eye contact again, her eyebrows furrowed, and then tried to concentrate. She had no idea what I was talking about. "Jess, all I said out loud had been one word, then I asked if you really wanted to know what imprinting is, at your birthday party. The rest had been inside my head. How in the hell do you know what I was thinking?"

She removed her hand immediately and pulled her feet up to her chest but she didn't seem to be overreacting like the old Jess. And what I meant by that was this; she had looked like the old Jess, she was acting like the old Jess, but she wasn't the old Jess, and it was scaring me to my core.

"What's going on with me Paulie?"