Fear Factory #Wattys2017

Tokophobia by Yangwolf

Tokophobia is derived from the Greek terms 'Tokos' meaning childbirth and 'phobos' meaning fear. It is a serious phobia where 1 in 6 women (sometimes men) have a fear of childbirth and being or becoming pregnant. There are two stages of this phobia, primary and secondary. Primary (you could say the more serious) is a morbid fear in becoming pregnant, even though the woman has had no experience of pregnancy. This phobia is often times overlooked and dismissed.

Yangwolf's A/N

Before I begin, I would like to make a mini note. This short will be based off a true story of a past experience I've had with Tokophobia, a phobia I actually have. Some scenes will be dramatized, but mostly it will be completely true and raw. Also, this style of writing will be slightly different. I intend to present my short story as though I've written in a diary to give a more psychological feel.

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The Demon Inside by Yangwolf

"Fear is a fragment of the imagination"

I find that quote laughable sometimes, amusing that I used the famous words to tell people that fear isn't real, and with some courage, you can overcome the terror deep inside. Well, fear may be nothing more than bits of glass shards jabbing the flexible mind that creates what it wishes; however, I've experienced living fear. It isn't as fake and a fraud as I thought, and I learned I was very wrong.

Despite getting above average grades in school, earning brownie points for molding myself ready for the workforce, my imagination has and always will be my most powerful weapon. Closing my drooped eyelids, dreams whirl alive, fantasies I bring forth from collected dust and air.

That brings me to mention my imagination, which tends to resurface dreams all on its own. It was a cold night, I wrapped heavy blankets over my body, until I formed a warm mound. Napping, I happened to be restless that same night too, tossing and turning. A reason, I'm not positive, but that starry sky night is one I won't easily forget. Little ideas, a thought wriggled inside my head like the Taenia solium, pig tapeworm, a parasitic monster aiming for brains.

Waking up occurred regularly, I mumbled slurs at my phone's chirping alarm, alerting me sunrise would be shining over the muddy soil of early Spring. I brushed my teeth the same, dressed the same and went to school the same. Unaware of the little parasitic worm nibbling a course towards the boxes holding my darkest nightmares. It struck when I was in class.

Math screwed with me in the worst ways, I have yet to discover the fortune other students find where they can succeed in classes where equations scribble the white board. Geometry worsened my life; my teacher classic for pitiful lessons doing more damage than aiding in my needs of figuring out the complication of geometric proofs.

The nasty creature, I desperately wanted to pick out of my ear, reared an ugly head during my Geometry class. I'm not sure what happened to trigger my insane fear, perhaps our female teacher gushing over her children, anyhow I can't be confident.

Squirming inside, the thought entered my mind, interrupted my day dreaming cycle of imagining delightful worlds. Like storm clouds fat with thunder, accompanied by the promise of thunder and yellow lightning. I crossed the line, unable to turn back at that point. I do not understand why I thought of such an atrocious, horrifying idea, but I had.

Could I be carrying a child?

Buzzing noises of my teacher droning mathematical nonsense faded from my ears; I heard only the sound of my heartbeat hammering against my rib cage, demanding freedom against its bone prison. Sweat beaded my forehead, blood rushing to my face, coloring me a candy apple red. Feeling like I ran a marathon, I wrung my hands together frantically, suddenly aware of my stomach.