Gone

Chapter 61 [Juliana] Good Girl, or Not? *

"Forgive you? Don't worry," I keep on smiling. "I'm not mad. It just made me miss you so much more. So when you do come see me, I hope I don't throw up."

"Why the hell would you throw up?" He asks, laughter in his tone.

"Because you give me butterflies, you idiot. It makes me feel sick."

"Uh, sorry?"

"You're a boy, you clearly wouldn't understand," I joke, us both laughing. His chuckle cracks me up. I missed it a lot.

"I never missed anyone this much before," he suddenly lets out, as I anxiously sit on the end of my bed and cross my legs. And his tone gets deep. "It's sort of fking scaring me."

"It scares me too," I whisper, trying to even out my breathing hearing him inhale a few breaths too.

"Have you still been taking your meds?"

"Yes," I roll my eyes and sigh. "What are you my own personal doctor slash counselor?"

"I'll be anything you want me to be."

"Alright, great. I want you to be a gentleman," I quietly order, hearing him go silent for a few seconds.

"Whats that supposed to mean? Ouch, Julie..."

"Take me out!"

"I've always gone out with you, what are you talking about? We're always chilling together, well before this whole hospital shit happened--"

"On a date, Blaze." And with that being said, he goes perfectly silent. "Blaze I know you're still there."

"A date?" He questions, sounding confused and almost a little nervous, which confuses me.

"Yes, a date," I carefully state, twirling a strand of my hair around my finger. "D-a-t-e. Date."

"I've never done that before," he says, chuckling under his breath after. "F***, that's pretty bad. I'm eighteen and I never took any girl out on a goddamn date before."

"So I'll be your first..."

"Babe," he softly mumbles as I grin, waiting to hear his voice again. "You'll always be my only, and my last."

I giggle and fall onto my back, feeling like a little girl again. "Is that a yes?"

"Want to go on a date with me?"

"Yeah," I rush out, smiling and closing my eyes. "I'd love that."

"Okay, pick you up around six. You have over an hour to get ready, or do whatever the hell girls do before a date, I don't know," he mutters as I sit up and roll my eyes.

"You're so romantic," I sarcastically say hearing him chuckle.

"Peace, my love. See you soon," he tells me, as I smile again and wait until the line goes dead.

I hop in the shower, wondering where Blaze is going to take me. Maybe to a movie or something, I have no clue. And then I let the hot water run its way down my body, massaging against my cold skin covered in goosebumps. I lift my head and let the water run in my mouth through my teeth and then back out of my mouth. I enjoy the rush as it slides down my bare back, and makes my skin tingle from the heat filled sensations.

I squeeze out some shower gel on a washcloth and put it all over my body, covering the skin on my legs as I sit down so I can shave, which I haven't done in a while. I sit my butt on the bathtub floor and grab the razor, about to run it across the hair on my legs until I look down and my eyes lock on the blade. The sharp, pointed, razor, my worst nightmare.

And then I don't hesitate before pulling aside the curtains, and tossing it out of the shower as it fings against the wall. I don't trust myself. I don't trust myself. Not yet... I can't trust myself, because I'm still not all the way better. How am I going to get through this? I can't even take a normal shower without getting flashbacks of the night I almost killed myself. I don't trust myself, I don't trust myself. I keep repeating this phrase in my head until I tightly shut my eyes, but tears still manage to leak out of my eyelids.

"Mom!" I yell, still keeping my eyes closed trying my hardest to stop crying. "MOM!"

"Oh my god, are you alright?!? Juliana?!" I hear my mom shout really loud as I look up and notice her running into the bathroom. "What's wrong?!?! What happened?!? Julia---"

"I need help," I rush out, her slightly frowning before she looks down at the tile and her eyes catch the razor that's laying motionless. 

"Help?" She barely lets out as she kneels down and picks it up.

"Yes," I whisper, leaning down and crossing my arms to cover my chest a little more. "Can you shave for me? I mean can you shave my legs? Please?" I practically choke out as she gets on her knees beside the bathtub and slowly shakes her head.

Looking brokenhearted, she manages to get out, "Of course I can..." And then I bite my lip and let out a relieved breath, actually proud of myself for the first time in months. I finally asked for help.

And guess what?

I got it.

Hope you guys liked......? I'll have Blaze's uploaded tmrw! :X