Fragile - tracob

1.7

| unedited |

Jacob laid in bed counting the creaks in his ceiling, he couldn't seem to fall asleep all his brain could think about was a certain Australian boy who he thought he'd never be falling for.

Jacob was worried about Troye and how he was acting throughout the week but he couldn't seem to verbalize his worries to Troye, mostly because he was afraid of saying the wrong to thing to him and pissing him off and also because he didn't know exactly how he would tell the boy he used to hate he was worried about him.

The rain drizzled down the window, tapping loudly on the glass. Jacob attempted to concentrate on the rain and the noises from outside but his mind was elsewhere, too deep in thought to know what was happening around him.

Jacob's thoughts went back to last year and what had happened that basically turned him into an asshole. He remembers all the taunting words, the fear of going to school, and the eyes that would always be on him looking at him as if he was a different specimen. He always remembers all the times he ran home crying, a helpless Connor, who at the time was the only good thing in his life, chased after him trying to make the tears stop.

He remembers all the fighting and yelling coming from his parents bedroom. He remembers his father being helpless, as he tries to help his wife get better. He remembers the day his father packed everything up and told him he was leaving for business, but Jacob could see right through his lie but he never said anything because his father couldn't do anything to help his wife, he couldn't force himself to act like everything was picture perfect.

Jacob closes his eyes trying to not remember anything else from the past year. He didn't want to continue having flashbacks of all the bad shit that had happened to him. He was moving on and that meant leaving the past in the past.

The time on the clock sitting above his dresser read 4:20am, sighing softly he realized he wouldn't be getting any sleep anytime soon. Jacob was used to this though. For some people sleeping was like a second nature, they could do it so easily without tossing and turning in bed as their thoughts clouded their mind. But for some it was difficult to sleep because their thoughts were always buzzing and keeping them awake, they would try useless methods like counting from 100 or they would try focusing their thoughts on one thing. Jacob didn't know how to do either, he knew how to count but every time he got down to one his mind and body was still fully awake, thinking too much about things he sometimes had no control over.

Sitting up he grabs his phone, sending a message to Troye.

Babe if you need to talk text me

Jacob contemplated rather he should send the message, his fingers hover over the send button. Without thinking he presses send, his brain foggy from the lack of sleep he had been getting.

Jacob grabbed a pair of sweatpants slipping them on quickly. Once he was dressed in running attire, he grabs his earbuds and the black hoodie that was resting on the chair in front of his desk.

The rain still hadn't stop, nor was it still a drizzle. It poured harshly but Jacob didn't care he needed to clear his head and this was the only way he knew how to do it.

Plugging his earbuds into his phone he scrolled to the one song that would always help him clear his hazy cluttered thoughts. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? Blared in his ears the voice of Amy Winehouse filling his ears.

Jacob hummed softly to the lyrics, still yet to have moved from his porch. He concentrated on the rain and watched how it fell–so quickly flooding the gutters with water, he payed close attention to the details of a lot of things. One of the things being a certain boy he was trying to remove from his mind. He noticed the constellations of freckles on his nose and the birthmark just right below his left eye. Jacob took notice to a lot of details about Troye, which was starting to terrify him.