She will be loved

9

Part 9

The car journey home was completely silent, I was having a baby that might not survive, and I couldn’t deal with that. I felt numb, as silent tears fell down my cheeks, I looked over to Ast to see a couple of tears escaping from him aswell. I might hate him still, but we were having a baby together, and he was just as heartbroken about the bad news as I was.

‘Do you want to come in?...’ I sniffed, turning round as Aston walked me to my front door, he nodded

We were both silent sitting on the couch, digesting the news. Picking up my laptop, I thought it would be a good idea to see what we were dealing with, typing ‘Diaphramatic hernia’ into google and clicking on the first link

‘Oh my god…’ I stuttered, Aston was silent, just reading the screen

A hole in the diaphragm that causes organs to fall through to the abdominal cavity. When our baby was born, this is what she would be like.

‘We’ll get through this…’ Aston smiled, resting his hand on my lap

I couldn’t hate him any longer, things might not be the same between us, but I needed him now more than ever, and he was willing to be there, I had to give him that.

‘Ast im so scared…’ I cried into his chest

He stroked my hair and kissed my head, promising me everything was going to be ok, just his voice gave me comfort, we were in for one hell of a rollercoaster over the next few months and the future was uncertain.

After breaking the news to both of our families and trying to explain what the doctor had told us, which wasn’t very much, Aston and I began to think about the future. Mum wasn’t too happy about it at first, but we agreed it would be best if I moved into Astons apartment before the baby was born; I was already over five months pregnant and the doctor had warned us the baby could come up to seven weeks early due to the complications, this gave us just under 3 months to plan things.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

*1 week later*

‘That’s the last box’ I said, helping to unload Astons car of all my stuff. Things were still slightly awkward between us, we wernt going to sleep in the same bed, I was going in the spare room, and we hadn’t kissed or anything since before the wedding. I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore, but I couldn’t deal with any more emotions than I was already dealing with, It was like that awkward first few months in a new relationship when you don’t really know what each other wants, the thing was, I knew what Aston wanted, he made it so obvious, but at the moment I couldn’t give him what he wanted.

As days went by, I phoned my boss and explained everything, deciding it was best to take a career break for the next year or so until I knew what was going to happen.

‘I was thinking we could go out later, look around a few shops, get some things ready’ he smiled. I felt incredibly awkward about it as I didn’t want to tempt fate, but more confliction between us wasn’t needed, so reluctantly I agreed

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘How about this one…’ Aston said pointing at a gorgeous cot

‘Yeah….’ I sighed

‘Or this one?’ he said standing by another

‘Yeah, whatever’ I nodded

‘Whats up with you?’ he sighed, ‘eversince we got here you’ve been disengaged and moody’

‘Im not moody Ast…’ I snapped

‘Oh really…’

‘Can we not do this in the middle of john lewis’ I said sharply

‘Please, just tell me whats wrong?...why are you upset?’

‘Because I don’t want to tempt fate Ast!’ I sniffled ‘We don’t even know if she’ll be coming home with us, I don’t want to go buying everything just to be heartbroken’ I explained

‘Look…’ he sighed putting an arm on my shoulder ‘We have to stay positive about this, she will be loved no matter what…we have to think positively...ok?’

‘Yeah….sorry, can we just go home, im not ready to do all of this…’

‘Sure…’ he smiled, guiding me back to the car

shall I write more? :)